Victor! Not victim!



You go tell that devil he is a liar! (John 8:44)

It doesn’t matter what form he takes, he can come in like a friend or like a lover (2 Corinthians 11:14)  Everything hidden, every lie told, will be revealed (Mark 4:22) Because God watches after His children.

Even if the accusations he brings were true, do not fear, do not be intimidated, and do not back down. Because our God makes ALL things new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The devil always has a counterfeit. He knows Who you belong to, that is why he attacks you at your most vulnerable spot.

So, you dry those tears, you shake off the dust, and you get back in the race. God is not done yet. You are not a victim, you are a victor!

Yea, I preached this to myself this evening and thought I would share it with you, in case you needed to be reminded too.



“Well,” she scratched her head. “what we have here is a soul tie.”


A soulish relationship will strengthen the soul of man rather than the spirit. It will depend on the soul (the mind, will, and emotions) rather than rely on the spirit. A soulish relationship will feed the unrenewed mind, and it will fixate on emotional gratification rather than spiritual edification. A spiritual relationship, on the other hand, is one that is built on sound biblical principles, one that honors God above all else, and one that prefers character building to emotional fulfillment. A spiritual relationship is one where each will put the other first, and where Christ-like principles will be observed in all things.

Oh, those stinkin’ soul ties, huh?

Everything starts out fine. Or at least it did with me. At first, when we talked I was feeling drawn to get into the Word more. It was wonderful! The more he spoke the Word, the more I loved him. It was like iron sharpening iron.

Surely, this is the man for me!

But then things in our relationship began to change. Quickly, I might add. We weren’t praying together as much. I do believe that was when I began to realize we weren’t going to make it. But, I held on. Why? Soul ties. Our souls were knitted together.

I don’t think these ties happen by accident, we make a choice.

The tumultuous relationship took it’s toll on me. When we were together I felt drained, tired, pensive, insecure…

But on our “off” times I felt more creative, spent more time with God.


Still I missed him during our off times. Sometimes so much so it was painful. Sure enough we would start talking again and get back together and the patterns would repeat itself. Slowly this relationship was killing my spirit. And I can’t imagine it was healthy for him either.

It is not enough to know when a relationship has gone south and you need to end it. We must take action. We must listen to wisdom. Because when we allow our emotions to give way, it can turn to anger. Then the anger gives way to other emotions, up, down, back, and forth. Then jealousy creeps in and we cling, we cry, we throw our fit. This is not love.

As my mind was wandering, and my emotions were beginning to mirror my thoughts, I heard Holy Spirit remind me, “take captive my thoughts.”

What does this mean to take captive my thoughts?

It means to reject the thoughts that serve only to upset me, hinder me, depress me, and tear me down. But we can’t just sit there with empty minds. That’s not possible. We must choose what to think on.

I like what Philippians 4:8 say’s: Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

When I operate from the soul, it gets me in trouble. It makes me want to lash out and defend myself. It causes

mad ladyme to hold onto something or someone so hard I choke the life out of it. It makes me say things I wish I never said, or do things I wish I never did. The end result is I end up feeling worse and now I have given the enemy more ammunition.

When I walk in the Spirit and meditate on His principles, His promises, I feel lighter, at peace, and hopeful.

There is a battle between the spirit and the flesh. The flesh wants what it wants and it wants it now. An unhealthy relationship, an unGodly soul tie, will destroy you. There is a reason someone gets under our skin. There is a reason we keep having thoughts and we feel the sense of urgency to “react”. And the reason is not God.

It is hard t let go of someone when you love them. When it comes to matters of the heart, the emotion, there is no reasoning. This is why we must be Spirit minded.

This is why we must choose wisely who we allow into our lives; who we give room to.


There are forces at work that we do not see. When we get so wrapped up in emotions we are blinded. This is a trick and how we can be convinced a snake is really our friend and just wants to be cuddled.

I was feeling hard on myself the other morning. I felt so stupid to have walked back into what God clearly wanted me to give up. Let’s call it what it is…disobedience. And the Holy Spirit so graciously brought this verse to my remembrance…

When the disciples heard this, they were completely astonished and bewildered, saying, “Then who can be saved [from the wrath of God]?” But Jesus looked at them and said, “With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:25-26

Let’s not beat ourselves up anymore. OK?

Yea, break -ups hurt. Learn with me, when God says no, then let it be no and trust Him.

You can bag manure in as pretty a bag as you want, but in the end, it is still _ _ _ _.      You get what I am saying? It stinks!

So, if you feel the tie with someone and you struggle to let go, and you are so fixated you can hardly think of anything else to the point it is interfering with your daily life and sleep, you just might have a soul tie. Time to break it and move on.

You have to choose freedom. Recognize the images you repeat in your mind are bondage. Don’t be afraid to let it go.

And yes, I am speaking this to myself as well

Repent, forgive, let go. (Repeat if necessary)



12 Things To Do After The Break-Up


OK, so it’s time to move on. You know it, he knows it, and to hold on would just be prolonging the pain and heartache.

I know, its sad and feels a little surreal. The person you loved and thought would always be there is no more. It is a strange feeling, isn’t it. Those sweet texts and phone calls, knowing someone is thinking about you and cares. The comfort in knowing you are not alone. But, sigh, I digress…

You had your last contact, last text, phone call, whatever… and now it is time to let go and move forward. But how to do that?

It is not easy, but it will get better. I promise.

  1. Delete his/her text from your phone. You do not need to keep reading them and analyzing his/her words. (Draw close to God) No need to dwell on the he said/she said. You may not have been able to control the outcome of your relationship, but you can control your thoughts. Take those thoughts captive!
  2. Block his/her number so they can’t contact you later and draw you back in. Trust me, anything that could have and should have been said should have been said already. After the good bye there is nothing more to be said. (Draw close to God) This is not be cruel or spiteful. This is setting boundaries and protecting yourself. And there will be no let down when you hear your phone and it is not them. Be honest, we all been there.
  3. Gather all the pictures, gifts, etc… put them in a box or bag and get them out of your sight. I recommend throwing them away or giving them to a charity (if someone else can use them).Now, I know it is not as easy as that. Get rid of them when you are ready. But, for now, get them out of your sight. (Draw close to God) Holding onto things that are not in your future will keep you stuck in the past.
  4. Write a letter to him/her. It doesn’t mean you have to send it. (Draw close to God) But you will get everything you want to say off your chest. In the big picture, does it really matter of he/she hears it? No. Because they are not in your life anymore.
  5. Get a new hobby, or pick back up on an old one. Do the things you enjoy. (Draw close to God) Remember, you were a person before you met him/her and you are still a person.
  6. Spend time with friends. the people who know you, care about you, and can help you laugh again. Laughter is a good medicine. (Draw close to God) It is good to have reminders there is life outside of the grief.
  7. Do NOT start dating again. Give yourself time to heal and to know yourself again. (Draw close to God) Nothing good will come of starting up another relationship when you are still grieving the loss of this one. Its OK to be single, do not confuse aloneness with lonlieness. Refer back to #6.
  8. If you get stuck in your grief, seek counseling. Talk with someone. (Draw close to God) We all need help sometimes.
  9. Do Not stalk them. There is no need to check on them to see who they are talking to or what they are saying. It is really none of your business anymore. (Draw close to God) It does not matter what they are doing or who they are doing it with. He/she is not in your future. It will hinder your healing. Let it go.
  10. Be kind to yourself. Eat well, get exercise, get outside. (Draw close to God) Get dressed up for you. Take yourself on dates, go to the movies, or dinner, or whatever gives you joy. Live life!
  11. Forgive him/her. Truly. This is the key to freedom. Speak a blessing over them. (Draw close to God) Ask God to bless them. The ultimate blessing would be they also draw close to God. Trust, this will begin to heal your heart more than you can imagine. One day you will wake up and find they are not the first person on your mind. Your life will begin again and you will be able to breathe again.
  12. Speak truth over yourself (Draw close to God) Remind yourself what His Word says about you. You are His beloved.

Through it all, draw close to God. He is the Only One Who can truly heal you. He will take those pieces of your broken heart and put it back together again and He will breathe life into you.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow]. Psalm 147:3

You are someone. You are beautiful. You are loved.


Don’t Get too Wrapped Up in the Wrapping

I remember Christmas mornings and birthdays when my children were little. I would buy them a special gift, wrap it real pretty, excited to watch them open it, and they would be more excited about the pretty wrapping paper and bows.

We can be like that sometimes. Someone walks into our lives wearing a nice package and we get so excited about the wrapping, we do not consider what is inside. Have you ever felt like after the glitter of the package has worn off, you realize it was really a Pandora’s Box?

Christian women (or men) want Christian men (or women) and when we meet someone who knows the word, speaks the word, and proclaims they have a heart for God; we get so focused on the shiny stuff, we do not pause to even see if it is real. We overlook all the warning signs, the redflags, because we doubt ourselves, “I mean, he knows the word, after all.” Then you start feeling that sinking feeling in your belly when you begin to see the real person.

You can blame it on “he is just having a bad day, or two, or 30.” But you must be very careful to not throw reasoning out the window.

It is not enough for a person to know the word… shew, even the devil knows the word. We must learn to discern.

There is a small plant outside of my mothers house. It is a stray plant, right beside her porch.

My daughter said, “This looks like a tomato plant.”

I said, “Nah, it’s just a weed.”

Sure enough, my daughter was right. It was a tomato plant. She was able to discern it was a tomato plant by the leaves. Me? Well, I assumed it wasn’t where it should be and must be a weed.

A tomato plant produces tomatoes, tasty tomatoes. A weed… well that’s just a lawn killer. I learned something from my daughter, she knew what to look for. I didn’t.

So, how do we know if he/she is the real deal?

Galatians 5 tells us to look for the fruit they are producing, But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].

Don’t get caught up in the packaging. Take your time and watch and see.

Lingering Effects of Soul Tie

Oh, God, help me break this tie that seeks to splinter my soul

How long must I rehearse what I could have done differently? How much must I dig to show me all the things I ignored? Why can’t I just let it go?

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than  my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior. (Hillsong, Oceans)

Soul ties, they are very real. In a marriage the tie is a holy tie. It’s purpose is to unite, to make two one. But, when there has been a betrayal, there is a ripping… literally. It is painful and it takes time to heal.

I look in the mirror and I see the face of the woman he used to love.  Only I don’t feel beautiful anymore. The word “beauty” had meaning to me when he said it.

Someone told me this evening, “I dig you, because you are real.”  I understood what he meant. Strange, it triggered a sting of sadness in me. My mind flooded with things he used to tell me. It all meant something coming from him. Will it ever mean something again?

Now, I know God has me in His hand. I know this. I know this will pass. The waves of grief are crashing in less and less, but still… the moments I am standing on the shore, looking out at the deep waters, the boat he rode in on is drifting further away and I feel sorrow with every good bye I have to say. Sometimes I have to say good bye to him several times a day just to remind myself he is not here anymore.

Will I love again? Will another mans words to me mean anything? Will I trust them? When he puts his arms around me and says, “How could any man ever leave you?” Will I trust him, because I have heard that before. The next time a man tells me how special I am, will I believe him, or will I still feel like Leah, second choice?

God, I am trying to be strong, I am trying to believe You are healing me. But it is times like now it seems so far away.

I feel foolish. I am not delusional, I know its over. I am so angry!

Help me to believe, Father. I don’t have to understand why, I don’t have to know everything, I just have to trust You. I know, Abba, You are my comforter, You are here, I know Your Spirit is speaking words of comfort to me. Please continue to whisper to my soul. I need Your help, Jesus, put me back together. Strengthen me to break the ties that hold me to him. Help me.

I have to believe that He sees my darkness
I have to believe He knows my pain
I have to lift up my hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare that He is my refuge
I have to deny that I am alone
I have to lift up my eyes to the mountain
It’s where my help comes from

He said that He’s forever faithful ,He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains, If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain He can move your mountain, too

Oh, I have to stand tall, when the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong, when I’m weak and afraid
I have to grab hold , hold of the garments, the garments of praise

I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight
He unlocks these chains that bind up my soul
My sin and my shame He has forgiven and made me whole

I have to believe, I have to believe
He’s got everything under control
I have to believe. Lord, I believe
Help my unbelief I have to believe in You
I have to believe

Songwriters: RITA SPRINGER
I Have To Believe lyrics © MUSIC SERVICES, INC.


The definition of habit is:

noun acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary:
   the habit of looking both ways before crossing the street.
2.customary practice or use: Daily bathing is an American habit.
3.a particular practice, custom, or usage: the habit of shaking hands.
4.a dominant or regular disposition or tendency; prevailing character or quality:
   She has a habit of looking at the bright side of things.
5.addiction, especially to narcotics (often preceded by the).
6.mental character or disposition: a habit of mind.
7.characteristic bodily or physical condition.
It makes sense to reason strongholds are formed from habits.
Addictions come in many forms. Addiction to a substance, a person, or a relationship, can be harmful to the mind and soul.
This is why we should practice taking every thought into captivity.
Consistent thoughts can lead to unhealthy habits. While there are good habits to form, it is the unhealthy, unsafe, thoughts that lead to destruction.
What may have been helpful for a season, can be harmful if you do not release it when the season is over.
So, choose wisely what you allow your mind to entertain.