Victor! Not victim!

stronger

 

You go tell that devil he is a liar! (John 8:44)

It doesn’t matter what form he takes, he can come in like a friend or like a lover (2 Corinthians 11:14)  Everything hidden, every lie told, will be revealed (Mark 4:22) Because God watches after His children.

Even if the accusations he brings were true, do not fear, do not be intimidated, and do not back down. Because our God makes ALL things new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The devil always has a counterfeit. He knows Who you belong to, that is why he attacks you at your most vulnerable spot.

So, you dry those tears, you shake off the dust, and you get back in the race. God is not done yet. You are not a victim, you are a victor!

Yea, I preached this to myself this evening and thought I would share it with you, in case you needed to be reminded too.

 

My King, He is everything to me

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There is something about Third Day that makes me feel like I am home.

Click here to be blessed.

No matter what you are going through, things change, seasons change, people change…

But, He is ONE constant…

Who is this King of Glory that persues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me
Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit?s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who’s this King of glory, Son of God and son of man
His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart
The King of glory
Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the graceous King of kings
the Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He’s everything to me
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He’s everything to me

How to NOT Catch Him and Keep Him. Or… how to feed your already low self image and keep feeling bad about yourself

recovery

(I seriously do not recommend following the advice in the following list unless you truly enjoy the abuse.)

  1. Keep chasing after him. Convince yourself he will soon realize how much you love him.
  2. Don’t take no for an answer. If he doesn’t answer your calls, no problem! He must be busy, just try again later, and again, and again, and again…
  3. When he tells you he loves you and then ignores you for days, believe him. After all, his words are enough, he doesn’t need to back anything up with actions.
  4. Constantly compare yourself to his ex. Sure he is over her. He only tells you about her because he would love you so much more if you could be like her.
  5. Agree with everything he says! No matter what.
  6. If he is “concerned” about any of your friends, immediately unfriend them. He is not jealous, he just knows best.
  7. Cry. Cry A LOT! Then when he shows back up and tells you it was all your fault, chalk it up as a silly misunderstanding and welcome him back.
  8. Excuse his bad behavior and unkindness. He was having a bad day, he is just misunderstood. Soon he will realize you are the one there for him all the time.
  9. When he tells you you are the best thing he has ever had, believe him. Because he would have never said this to anyone else.
  10. If he leads you on for over two years and breaks up with you at a whim, with no reasoning, no communication, and even if he is talking to other women, do not go on with your life. Talk to no one! After all, when he comes back and tells you about the conversations with the other women, he will reassure you they were not like you. You mustn’t hurt or upset him by not waiting patiently for him.
  11. No matter how many lies he says about you, you must forgive him. He was just hurt.
  12. Back handed compliments are better than no compliments at all. When he tells you how nice you look, and then asks if you gained some weight, immediately stop eating!
  13. Answer every late night call or text. It might be an emergency. It has to be an emergency, or he would have called you earlier at a reasonable time of day.
  14. When he talks over you, cuts you off, turns the conversation back to him… remember, at least he is talking to you.
  15. Drop everything for him, make time for him no matter what, whenever he needs it. Because his time is more valuable than yours and you should understand that.
  16. Never block him from facebook, or other social media, because when he has unblocked you, how else will he know you are still waiting for him?
  17. Believe no one but him! They are all lying about him.
  18. Convince yourself you are happy.
  19. Refuse to see any similarities between him and your absentee father. You gotta fill that void. You need the approval of a strong man and remember… only a strong man can lift you up after he tears you down.
  20. Believe him when he says you are not in Gods will for his life. It’s true. This is really true, because Gods will for you is not to be in his life.

I hope you know, the list above is not to be taken serious. But this is exactly what we do when we are in a bad, unhealthy, toxic relationship. We allow someone to treat us so bad, because inside we do not know our value. If you do not know your own worth, you will tolerate, rationalize, justify, excuse, over look, and apologize for anything.

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How will you ever love and receive love if you are steeped in this dysfunction of a relationship? Tell him to step aside, because he is blocking your view.

Get your heart and head right. Take some time alone. Get the healing. Get in the Word and alone with God and listen to what He has to say about you. Because He is the only true lover of your soul. Then when the time is right, when your healing is complete, He will bring someone across your path and you will recognize him.

You can’t love or receive love, when you don’t know what/who love is.

 

Are You A Plate Juggler?

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Do you ever feel like a plate juggler? All of your plates in the air and your arms are getting tired and it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep them in motion and you know if one more plate was added you will let them fall.

This is what it feels like when you are a people (person) pleaser.

You try to be who they want you to be and in the process you forget who you are. You are fearful they will leave you if you let one plate drop.

You stop thinking for yourself, or at least stop speaking your own thoughts. You agree even when you don’t agree. You remain silent when you should speak and speak when you should remain silent. You tip toe around, leaping over the elephant in the living room, and finish your performance with a plié, as if expecting an applause, a standing ovation from your audience. But that doesn’t happen, does it?

Your own self worth is chiseled away for the “sake of keeping the peace.” You feel very small and vulnerable.

You hear a small voice telling you this is not right. You get a momentary feeling of bravery and you say to yourself, “today is the day I am gonna throw these plates down.” But, ya don’t.

You were created to be you, NOT someone else. There is great value in who you were created to be. There is only one you. Hidden deep inside of you is a gift and the gift was placed there to help you fulfill your purpose.

Maybe you have buried the gift so deep and are afraid to use it because someone told you it was ‘nothing’? Someone treated you, and your gift, as common and you believed them. You have compared your gift with the gift of others and you thought yours was dim in comparison.

This is not a good place to be in. I know.

The plates carry names:

  • relationships
  • work
  • bills
  • time
  • (you can fill this one in)

You can not give 100% to 100 things. There has to be balance. Perhaps it is time to do inventory and weigh the importance against the urgent. Drop some of those plates!

Be yourself. Your wonderful self. If you forgot who yourself is, then take some quiet time, go to the One who created you and let Him restore you.

It is too exhausting trying to be someone we are not. There is only one you, so be the best you you can be.

Jesus say’s in Matthew 11:28-30…

design3“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”

                                                                                           

Now, who is better and more trustworthy than Jesus to give your plates to? No one!

 

 

12 Things To Do After The Break-Up

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OK, so it’s time to move on. You know it, he knows it, and to hold on would just be prolonging the pain and heartache.

I know, its sad and feels a little surreal. The person you loved and thought would always be there is no more. It is a strange feeling, isn’t it. Those sweet texts and phone calls, knowing someone is thinking about you and cares. The comfort in knowing you are not alone. But, sigh, I digress…

You had your last contact, last text, phone call, whatever… and now it is time to let go and move forward. But how to do that?

It is not easy, but it will get better. I promise.

  1. Delete his/her text from your phone. You do not need to keep reading them and analyzing his/her words. (Draw close to God) No need to dwell on the he said/she said. You may not have been able to control the outcome of your relationship, but you can control your thoughts. Take those thoughts captive!
  2. Block his/her number so they can’t contact you later and draw you back in. Trust me, anything that could have and should have been said should have been said already. After the good bye there is nothing more to be said. (Draw close to God) This is not be cruel or spiteful. This is setting boundaries and protecting yourself. And there will be no let down when you hear your phone and it is not them. Be honest, we all been there.
  3. Gather all the pictures, gifts, etc… put them in a box or bag and get them out of your sight. I recommend throwing them away or giving them to a charity (if someone else can use them).Now, I know it is not as easy as that. Get rid of them when you are ready. But, for now, get them out of your sight. (Draw close to God) Holding onto things that are not in your future will keep you stuck in the past.
  4. Write a letter to him/her. It doesn’t mean you have to send it. (Draw close to God) But you will get everything you want to say off your chest. In the big picture, does it really matter of he/she hears it? No. Because they are not in your life anymore.
  5. Get a new hobby, or pick back up on an old one. Do the things you enjoy. (Draw close to God) Remember, you were a person before you met him/her and you are still a person.
  6. Spend time with friends. the people who know you, care about you, and can help you laugh again. Laughter is a good medicine. (Draw close to God) It is good to have reminders there is life outside of the grief.
  7. Do NOT start dating again. Give yourself time to heal and to know yourself again. (Draw close to God) Nothing good will come of starting up another relationship when you are still grieving the loss of this one. Its OK to be single, do not confuse aloneness with lonlieness. Refer back to #6.
  8. If you get stuck in your grief, seek counseling. Talk with someone. (Draw close to God) We all need help sometimes.
  9. Do Not stalk them. There is no need to check on them to see who they are talking to or what they are saying. It is really none of your business anymore. (Draw close to God) It does not matter what they are doing or who they are doing it with. He/she is not in your future. It will hinder your healing. Let it go.
  10. Be kind to yourself. Eat well, get exercise, get outside. (Draw close to God) Get dressed up for you. Take yourself on dates, go to the movies, or dinner, or whatever gives you joy. Live life!
  11. Forgive him/her. Truly. This is the key to freedom. Speak a blessing over them. (Draw close to God) Ask God to bless them. The ultimate blessing would be they also draw close to God. Trust, this will begin to heal your heart more than you can imagine. One day you will wake up and find they are not the first person on your mind. Your life will begin again and you will be able to breathe again.
  12. Speak truth over yourself (Draw close to God) Remind yourself what His Word says about you. You are His beloved.

Through it all, draw close to God. He is the Only One Who can truly heal you. He will take those pieces of your broken heart and put it back together again and He will breathe life into you.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow]. Psalm 147:3

You are someone. You are beautiful. You are loved.

 

Hunger for Fathers Love

Gods love

It doesn’t matter how old we are, we still want the love of a father.

There is something about a fathers love, his acceptance, his stamp of approval, we crave. There is a feeling of safety in the love and acceptance of a father. You know, it is like having a safety net. It gives us courage and boldness. We can venture out and not be afraid of failing, because even if we don’t succeed, the father is still there.

A father provides, loves unconditionally, and is proud.

Maybe this is why we settle for relationships that aren’t beneficial to us? Because the temporary feeling of being loved and accepted is a warm shower, a comforting blanket, a gentle kiss on the forehead. But we aren’t fooled, we know it is just temporary. That is why we hold on and struggle to let it go.

A fathers love is not to be found in a lover, a spouse. This is a different kind of love. But when we are so starving for the attention and affection of a man we regard as “strong,” we will put up with all kinds of nonsense. Dysfunctional “love” is ingrained in us from birth when we do not know the love of a father.

We have wild imaginations of what love is suppose to look like and we play our part hoping the lead character will play his part too. And he does,but it is not the love story you hoped for.

Why?

Because the heart of a father can’t be found in any other man. You can’t create what you never had. But the heart of THE FATHER can only be found in One and He says we can call Him Abba.

Abba is the Daddy who meets the boys at the door and determines if he is good enough for His daughter. Abba is the Daddy who protects us and provides for us. Abba is the One who sits us on His knee and talks with us and listens to us.

Are you tired yet? Tired of waiting for someone else to tell you how valuable you are? Tired of waiting for the promise made by someone else that will never come? Is there a little voice of truth whispering in your ear, deep into your heart, telling you to turn back?

When we consider our time here is but a vapor and that we do have a purpose, there is really no more time to be wasted with someone who is just wasting your time.

I am not crying any more. Sure I miss him. But if I am honest with myself, it may not be him that I am missing, but the “feeling” of being loved and accepted. And if I am even more real, I never even truly felt that.

So, where do we find this kind of love? This kind of protection and safety? Only through Jesus. He is the only One to lay His life down for us. He is our Father, our Redeemer, our Salvation.

 

Right from the beginning, He has called you by name. You are His. Do not be afraid when He removes someone from your life. He is Abba Daddy, He has something better for you.

You can not find yourself in another person. It is not the attention of another that defines who you are.

If you carry His Name, the Name of God, then you are someone to be cherished and loved.

He/she who finds a wife/husband, finds a good thing. Because God can and will love you through the marriage relationship. But, until that time, let Him love you right where you are. Because only when you know who you are in Him, and Who He is, will you be able to recognize and not destroy, the one He has for you.

Oh, God, may we feel You, may we feel Your hug and Your protection. May we hear You tell us how very much You love us and are proud of us. May we fully understand that through Jesus we ARE accepted by You. Anything or anyone that is not of You, please remove them and give us the strength to let go.