Victor! Not victim!

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You go tell that devil he is a liar! (John 8:44)

It doesn’t matter what form he takes, he can come in like a friend or like a lover (2 Corinthians 11:14)  Everything hidden, every lie told, will be revealed (Mark 4:22) Because God watches after His children.

Even if the accusations he brings were true, do not fear, do not be intimidated, and do not back down. Because our God makes ALL things new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The devil always has a counterfeit. He knows Who you belong to, that is why he attacks you at your most vulnerable spot.

So, you dry those tears, you shake off the dust, and you get back in the race. God is not done yet. You are not a victim, you are a victor!

Yea, I preached this to myself this evening and thought I would share it with you, in case you needed to be reminded too.

 

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Fear + Unforgiveness = More Hurt

fear

Fear is a terrible thing. It robs us of joy, love, and peace.

When we hold onto fear, we can never be fully in the moment. We can’t commit to a relationship because we always have one foot out of the door… just incase.

Fear causes us to not close doors to our past. We hold onto past relationships, keep their numbers in our phones and their contacts on our facebook… just incase.

Past offenses cause us to be like Pavlovian dogs. We get close to someone and then when we start “feeling” we retreat. Because the last time we “felt something” we got hurt.

Fear makes mountains out of mole hills. It expects perfect from imperfect people. It creates standards no one is able to reach. It shines the suspicious eye on the “what ifs,” and it blocks us from truly experiencing a lasting relationship.

Yes, pain of betrayal from someone we love is very real. Almost debilitating. And though it will take time, we must come to a place of forgiveness, or we will carry the offense into the next relationship and expect the next person to right the wrong someone else has done.

We can not retrace the footsteps of a past relationship and try to recreate the old in the new.  You are not the same person you were when you were in the past relationship. Nor is the present person the person from your past.

God says, “Behold, I make all things new.” He is able to restore you. He is God of restoration and reconciliation.

Before He can make all things new, you must be willing to let go of the old, put it to death. His restoration is not to take you back to what hurt you, but to restore your spirit, your soul, to create in you a new heart.

Sometimes He will bring someone into your life most unexpectedly and she wont look like what you are used to. Even if there are similarities, you must remember, she is not the same person. God loves her as much as He loves you. She is a unique woman, with gifts and a calling. You will not recognize or appreciate her if you do not forgive and let go of the past.

You may miss out on a blessing of lasting relationship.

It is not right, nor fair, of you to enter a relationship with someone before you are ready. It takes time to heal and learn to trust again. You can not cleave if you are not willing to leave.

You will never find the perfect person. We all have our flaws and our quirks. But, if you can trust God, Who is perfect, when you are ready He will bring the imperfect person to you who will be the most perfect person for you.

Forgive freely, so you can love freely, with no fear.

 

 

My King, He is everything to me

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There is something about Third Day that makes me feel like I am home.

Click here to be blessed.

No matter what you are going through, things change, seasons change, people change…

But, He is ONE constant…

Who is this King of Glory that persues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me
Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit?s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who’s this King of glory, Son of God and son of man
His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart
The King of glory
Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the graceous King of kings
the Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He’s everything to me
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He’s everything to me

How to NOT Catch Him and Keep Him. Or… how to feed your already low self image and keep feeling bad about yourself

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(I seriously do not recommend following the advice in the following list unless you truly enjoy the abuse.)

  1. Keep chasing after him. Convince yourself he will soon realize how much you love him.
  2. Don’t take no for an answer. If he doesn’t answer your calls, no problem! He must be busy, just try again later, and again, and again, and again…
  3. When he tells you he loves you and then ignores you for days, believe him. After all, his words are enough, he doesn’t need to back anything up with actions.
  4. Constantly compare yourself to his ex. Sure he is over her. He only tells you about her because he would love you so much more if you could be like her.
  5. Agree with everything he says! No matter what.
  6. If he is “concerned” about any of your friends, immediately unfriend them. He is not jealous, he just knows best.
  7. Cry. Cry A LOT! Then when he shows back up and tells you it was all your fault, chalk it up as a silly misunderstanding and welcome him back.
  8. Excuse his bad behavior and unkindness. He was having a bad day, he is just misunderstood. Soon he will realize you are the one there for him all the time.
  9. When he tells you you are the best thing he has ever had, believe him. Because he would have never said this to anyone else.
  10. If he leads you on for over two years and breaks up with you at a whim, with no reasoning, no communication, and even if he is talking to other women, do not go on with your life. Talk to no one! After all, when he comes back and tells you about the conversations with the other women, he will reassure you they were not like you. You mustn’t hurt or upset him by not waiting patiently for him.
  11. No matter how many lies he says about you, you must forgive him. He was just hurt.
  12. Back handed compliments are better than no compliments at all. When he tells you how nice you look, and then asks if you gained some weight, immediately stop eating!
  13. Answer every late night call or text. It might be an emergency. It has to be an emergency, or he would have called you earlier at a reasonable time of day.
  14. When he talks over you, cuts you off, turns the conversation back to him… remember, at least he is talking to you.
  15. Drop everything for him, make time for him no matter what, whenever he needs it. Because his time is more valuable than yours and you should understand that.
  16. Never block him from facebook, or other social media, because when he has unblocked you, how else will he know you are still waiting for him?
  17. Believe no one but him! They are all lying about him.
  18. Convince yourself you are happy.
  19. Refuse to see any similarities between him and your absentee father. You gotta fill that void. You need the approval of a strong man and remember… only a strong man can lift you up after he tears you down.
  20. Believe him when he says you are not in Gods will for his life. It’s true. This is really true, because Gods will for you is not to be in his life.

I hope you know, the list above is not to be taken serious. But this is exactly what we do when we are in a bad, unhealthy, toxic relationship. We allow someone to treat us so bad, because inside we do not know our value. If you do not know your own worth, you will tolerate, rationalize, justify, excuse, over look, and apologize for anything.

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How will you ever love and receive love if you are steeped in this dysfunction of a relationship? Tell him to step aside, because he is blocking your view.

Get your heart and head right. Take some time alone. Get the healing. Get in the Word and alone with God and listen to what He has to say about you. Because He is the only true lover of your soul. Then when the time is right, when your healing is complete, He will bring someone across your path and you will recognize him.

You can’t love or receive love, when you don’t know what/who love is.

 

Walk Away

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It took me a while to learn this. What a tough lesson! I mean, have you ever been with that person who no matter how bad they treated you, you still find yourself apologizing to them? They could disappear for days, weeks, and when they come back they tell you it was all your fault and you… apologize?

OK, so here is the thing, no matter what their reasoning is, right or wrong, no one has a right to treat you badly. If they feel you have wronged them they have a choice to make, stay or leave. If they stay, forgive and work it out. If they leave, then let them go.

Back and forth, back and forth, is not good. Not if you want a real, mature, healthy, and growing relationship. Where is the security when you are not free to be yourself in a relationship? If you can not be yourself and you are constantly trying to please someone else to keep them, you will find you will not much like the you that you have become. And guess what? They will leave anyway.

Being with someone just for the sake of not being alone is no reason to be with someone. You are wasting your time and theirs. You are delaying the inevitable. Just let them go!

What is acceptable to you? Where are your boundaries? You better know the answer to this question, or you are in for a world of hurt.

Practice these words: “This behavior is not acceptable.”

Then my friend, when that unacceptable behavior continues, you do not have to stay. Walk away.

You can still love them, but love them from a distance. Because love, by its very definition, would never treat you poorly. I am not suggesting everything must be perfect and you must always agree on everything, but where there is no respect, trust, patience, kindness, humility,  and commitment, there is no love. You may have something, but it is not love.

(Disclosure: This post is not written for the married, I do not advocate divorce.)

 

Are You A Plate Juggler?

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Do you ever feel like a plate juggler? All of your plates in the air and your arms are getting tired and it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep them in motion and you know if one more plate was added you will let them fall.

This is what it feels like when you are a people (person) pleaser.

You try to be who they want you to be and in the process you forget who you are. You are fearful they will leave you if you let one plate drop.

You stop thinking for yourself, or at least stop speaking your own thoughts. You agree even when you don’t agree. You remain silent when you should speak and speak when you should remain silent. You tip toe around, leaping over the elephant in the living room, and finish your performance with a plié, as if expecting an applause, a standing ovation from your audience. But that doesn’t happen, does it?

Your own self worth is chiseled away for the “sake of keeping the peace.” You feel very small and vulnerable.

You hear a small voice telling you this is not right. You get a momentary feeling of bravery and you say to yourself, “today is the day I am gonna throw these plates down.” But, ya don’t.

You were created to be you, NOT someone else. There is great value in who you were created to be. There is only one you. Hidden deep inside of you is a gift and the gift was placed there to help you fulfill your purpose.

Maybe you have buried the gift so deep and are afraid to use it because someone told you it was ‘nothing’? Someone treated you, and your gift, as common and you believed them. You have compared your gift with the gift of others and you thought yours was dim in comparison.

This is not a good place to be in. I know.

The plates carry names:

  • relationships
  • work
  • bills
  • time
  • (you can fill this one in)

You can not give 100% to 100 things. There has to be balance. Perhaps it is time to do inventory and weigh the importance against the urgent. Drop some of those plates!

Be yourself. Your wonderful self. If you forgot who yourself is, then take some quiet time, go to the One who created you and let Him restore you.

It is too exhausting trying to be someone we are not. There is only one you, so be the best you you can be.

Jesus say’s in Matthew 11:28-30…

design3“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”

                                                                                           

Now, who is better and more trustworthy than Jesus to give your plates to? No one!

 

 

The Dark Before The Dawn… come quickly, dawn

We all have these little idiosyncrasies we do when we are hurting. You know, the things we do or say to ourselves to numb the pain of heartache.

When I miss him, I try to remind myself of all the things he said or done to hurt me. I rehearse every deception, every impatient and hurtful remark, every time he pushed me away, the untruths he spoke to me, and how even now he is speaking words that were supposed to be reserved only for me, to another.

I tell myself he doesn’t love me. He lied. He probably never did, because his actions were so much louder than his empty word. But, it doesn’t really help. Because I do love him, still.

He was not my first love, but he was suppose to be my last. I have had my heart broke before, but never like this. My heartbreaks before were probably more of a disappointment than heartbreaks. I bounced back quickly and moved on. I am having a hard time bouncing back with this heart break.

I grew up with rejection. Sad to say, but I grew to expect it. I guarded myself. I never allowed anyone to get that close to me to break me.

But he was different. I let him in.

Maybe it wasn’t so much that he was different, maybe I changed? Maybe I wanted to let him in? I was tired of failed relationships. I was tired of hiding. I was tired of running. I believed I was ready. I trusted him. He loved God, that is what I wanted, a man who loved God. I could trust a man who loved God. Right?

I was open. I was ready. I opened the door and I allowed him to cross the threshold of my heart. I welcomed him to take permanent residence in that deep place, the hidden place, the guarded place. I trusted him. I embraced him.

He was far from perfect. I knew when we began to talk he had some wounds from his past. I saw him. I understood. We were alike on so many different levels. But I really believed with Christ as the center, He would breathe healing into each of us through each other. Don’t misunderstand me, I know healing only comes through the Lord. There is not one person who can be everything, nor should we expect them to be. Our true identity can only be found through Jesus.

But we loved each other, right? We could trust each other, right?

I suppose I made a mistake expecting him to be able to give what I could. I wanted to give myself fully naked, all of me, lay myself before him and not be afraid. I wanted him to see my scars, my wounds, my weakness and love me anyway. I wanted him to see my strength, my beauty, my heart, and love me. I wanted him to see past the surface, what everyone else see’s, and look at the real me… fully exposed, vulnerable, trusting, and afraid.

I asked him if he was strong. He misunderstood my question. Are you strong enough to love me? Are you strong enough to stay when you want to run? Are you strong enough to be vulnerable, naked, exposed, and afraid, before me? Are you strong enough to trust?

I was having one of those days yesterday. Missing him so much it felt my heart would just explode from the loudness of the echo of a heart beat in an empty shell. You ever felt that? If you have ever truly loved someone and lost… you will know what I mean.

I was walking my dog and praying. Involuntary tears flowed. I just wanted to touch him, I wanted him to hear my heart. I still see his face. I look at my future and I still see his face. I can’t stop. He is still there. How can he be there when he is not even here?

God, please give me a glimpse of what You see. Speak to me, God. Do not remain silent as I pour myself out. If You could just show me that I will be able to love again, show me I will be able to let someone in again. I want to love. If he wont love me, if it is truly over, please God…. show me. Help me!

How do I move pass this and remain intact? How do I let go of someone who has become so much a part of me? Sometimes I think it would be easier to just will myself not to breathe anymore.

I try to rehearse all he has done to betray me, but then I will see his face in my mind, his smile, the way his eyes lit up, the way my hand felt in his, the way I used to feel like he knew me, he understood…. but he didn’t understand.

How is it possible he could speak right into my heart and make promises and not mean any of it? How after all the time we been together, the promises, the love, the hope, the laughs, the intimate moments… how can he act as though I never existed? How can he pursue other women as though I meant nothing? How can he move on and I am stuck? It is not fair!

I have to let go, I know. I can’t romanticize, my heart can’t afford it, truth is he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want me, or he would be here right now and not on some dating site trying to start over with someone else.  I am a beautiful woman, I am Gods daughter, I am a true gift to the man who can cherish my heart. If he can’t see that, if he can’t repent, then I am doing nothing more than throwing my precious pearls into the mud.

Help me, God, keep my heart tender, but keep it safe.

Sigh.