Letting Go

dog-with-bone-300x300

So, my dog has his favorite toy. It is a donut shaped toy that squeaks when you squeeze it. He loves to play with it. He brings it to me and I throw it and he fetches it and the repetitive game continues.

But he also likes his rawhide bones. He has toys laying all over the apartment. He is worse than a toddler.

This evening I break out a fresh rawhide to give him. But he has his donut in his mouth. I could almost read his thoughts, “Oh what do I do, I want both.”

He couldn’t have the rawhide until he dropped the donut.

Isn’t this the way we are? God wants to give us something and we are reluctant to let go of what we have.

Until we are three

grief

I found this image on facebook and though I am quite certain it is referring to the grief of the loss of a loved one through death, I believe it can also describe the grief from the loss of a relationship.

I can’t help but to wonder if in the future will I look back and think of him and all of the what ifs? I think I will. Although, I also know, it will not be as painful as it has been. There will be healing. But, I think it is natural. Especially when one of us didn’t want to end it.

It is the holiday season and with it brings a certain kind of emptiness. Where there was once love and oneness is now a void.

I saw a couple today at the bus stop. They were in a lovers embrace and oblivious of everyone around them. I had to smile to myself, because I remember feeling this way, time seems to stand still when you are in the arms of someone you love. Nothing or no one else matters and it is unimaginable that you will not always have a place there.

I am missing him.

But, even in all of the thoughts and emotions that come after a break-up, there is a knowing that this will pass. This emptiness will not always be here. My heart will beat again with love… one day.

I am a romantic at heart. I used to believe love always wins. Sometimes it doesn’t. So, the reality is I may love him, but he is not to be the love of my life. I can think of memories and smile and the sting will pass. I can even think of all the hurtful things and choose to forgive him.

Each day is a day further away from him and closer to the healing. One day I will realize I am not even thinking of him, as much. Then the day will come when I do think of him I will say a prayer… I hope he found what he is looking for.

Until then, I keep breathing, living, and hoping. The anger is leaving and I suppose that is a good sign.

I thank You, God, for complete restoration. Thank You that You are healing me and preparing me for the true romance You have for me. Until we become three, right now it is just me and You.

 

Victor! Not victim!

stronger

 

You go tell that devil he is a liar! (John 8:44)

It doesn’t matter what form he takes, he can come in like a friend or like a lover (2 Corinthians 11:14)  Everything hidden, every lie told, will be revealed (Mark 4:22) Because God watches after His children.

Even if the accusations he brings were true, do not fear, do not be intimidated, and do not back down. Because our God makes ALL things new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The devil always has a counterfeit. He knows Who you belong to, that is why he attacks you at your most vulnerable spot.

So, you dry those tears, you shake off the dust, and you get back in the race. God is not done yet. You are not a victim, you are a victor!

Yea, I preached this to myself this evening and thought I would share it with you, in case you needed to be reminded too.

 

Fear + Unforgiveness = More Hurt

fear

Fear is a terrible thing. It robs us of joy, love, and peace.

When we hold onto fear, we can never be fully in the moment. We can’t commit to a relationship because we always have one foot out of the door… just incase.

Fear causes us to not close doors to our past. We hold onto past relationships, keep their numbers in our phones and their contacts on our facebook… just incase.

Past offenses cause us to be like Pavlovian dogs. We get close to someone and then when we start “feeling” we retreat. Because the last time we “felt something” we got hurt.

Fear makes mountains out of mole hills. It expects perfect from imperfect people. It creates standards no one is able to reach. It shines the suspicious eye on the “what ifs,” and it blocks us from truly experiencing a lasting relationship.

Yes, pain of betrayal from someone we love is very real. Almost debilitating. And though it will take time, we must come to a place of forgiveness, or we will carry the offense into the next relationship and expect the next person to right the wrong someone else has done.

We can not retrace the footsteps of a past relationship and try to recreate the old in the new.  You are not the same person you were when you were in the past relationship. Nor is the present person the person from your past.

God says, “Behold, I make all things new.” He is able to restore you. He is God of restoration and reconciliation.

Before He can make all things new, you must be willing to let go of the old, put it to death. His restoration is not to take you back to what hurt you, but to restore your spirit, your soul, to create in you a new heart.

Sometimes He will bring someone into your life most unexpectedly and she wont look like what you are used to. Even if there are similarities, you must remember, she is not the same person. God loves her as much as He loves you. She is a unique woman, with gifts and a calling. You will not recognize or appreciate her if you do not forgive and let go of the past.

You may miss out on a blessing of lasting relationship.

It is not right, nor fair, of you to enter a relationship with someone before you are ready. It takes time to heal and learn to trust again. You can not cleave if you are not willing to leave.

You will never find the perfect person. We all have our flaws and our quirks. But, if you can trust God, Who is perfect, when you are ready He will bring the imperfect person to you who will be the most perfect person for you.

Forgive freely, so you can love freely, with no fear.

 

 

Nothing deep… just human

touch

Have you ever just wanted to write something so profound, so very deep, it would be like a light bulb to the minds and hearts of the reader,  and it would bring instant healing and understanding? But, instead you stare at the pc and your mind goes blank? Because truth is, the deepness you are feeling right now is like the edge of the abyss?

Yea? Me too.

In fact, I am in somewhat of  pensive mood this evening. Maybe it’s because I am tired? Maybe it’s because I kind of have a lot on my plate right now? Maybe it’s because I just want a hug and a nap?

I am feeling like the woman who weaved her way through the crowd just to touch Jesus. I am sure she was tired, too. I bet when she heard He was in town she gathered herself up and said “This is it! If I am ever going to be healed now is the time.”

Or the woman who wept at His feet? Oh,  the peace and security to just feel the coolness of the floor and the warmth of His presence. He wouldn’t even have to verbally speak. There would not be enough words in all the languages combined to  express His touch.

I am a little tired and I am feeling the weight of “aloneness.” I know that doesn’t sound very “spiritual” or much like faith, but I am human, you know.  I just want to lay myself at His feet and just rest.

12 Things To Do After The Break-Up

mended_heart-copy

OK, so it’s time to move on. You know it, he knows it, and to hold on would just be prolonging the pain and heartache.

I know, its sad and feels a little surreal. The person you loved and thought would always be there is no more. It is a strange feeling, isn’t it. Those sweet texts and phone calls, knowing someone is thinking about you and cares. The comfort in knowing you are not alone. But, sigh, I digress…

You had your last contact, last text, phone call, whatever… and now it is time to let go and move forward. But how to do that?

It is not easy, but it will get better. I promise.

  1. Delete his/her text from your phone. You do not need to keep reading them and analyzing his/her words. (Draw close to God) No need to dwell on the he said/she said. You may not have been able to control the outcome of your relationship, but you can control your thoughts. Take those thoughts captive!
  2. Block his/her number so they can’t contact you later and draw you back in. Trust me, anything that could have and should have been said should have been said already. After the good bye there is nothing more to be said. (Draw close to God) This is not be cruel or spiteful. This is setting boundaries and protecting yourself. And there will be no let down when you hear your phone and it is not them. Be honest, we all been there.
  3. Gather all the pictures, gifts, etc… put them in a box or bag and get them out of your sight. I recommend throwing them away or giving them to a charity (if someone else can use them).Now, I know it is not as easy as that. Get rid of them when you are ready. But, for now, get them out of your sight. (Draw close to God) Holding onto things that are not in your future will keep you stuck in the past.
  4. Write a letter to him/her. It doesn’t mean you have to send it. (Draw close to God) But you will get everything you want to say off your chest. In the big picture, does it really matter of he/she hears it? No. Because they are not in your life anymore.
  5. Get a new hobby, or pick back up on an old one. Do the things you enjoy. (Draw close to God) Remember, you were a person before you met him/her and you are still a person.
  6. Spend time with friends. the people who know you, care about you, and can help you laugh again. Laughter is a good medicine. (Draw close to God) It is good to have reminders there is life outside of the grief.
  7. Do NOT start dating again. Give yourself time to heal and to know yourself again. (Draw close to God) Nothing good will come of starting up another relationship when you are still grieving the loss of this one. Its OK to be single, do not confuse aloneness with lonlieness. Refer back to #6.
  8. If you get stuck in your grief, seek counseling. Talk with someone. (Draw close to God) We all need help sometimes.
  9. Do Not stalk them. There is no need to check on them to see who they are talking to or what they are saying. It is really none of your business anymore. (Draw close to God) It does not matter what they are doing or who they are doing it with. He/she is not in your future. It will hinder your healing. Let it go.
  10. Be kind to yourself. Eat well, get exercise, get outside. (Draw close to God) Get dressed up for you. Take yourself on dates, go to the movies, or dinner, or whatever gives you joy. Live life!
  11. Forgive him/her. Truly. This is the key to freedom. Speak a blessing over them. (Draw close to God) Ask God to bless them. The ultimate blessing would be they also draw close to God. Trust, this will begin to heal your heart more than you can imagine. One day you will wake up and find they are not the first person on your mind. Your life will begin again and you will be able to breathe again.
  12. Speak truth over yourself (Draw close to God) Remind yourself what His Word says about you. You are His beloved.

Through it all, draw close to God. He is the Only One Who can truly heal you. He will take those pieces of your broken heart and put it back together again and He will breathe life into you.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow]. Psalm 147:3

You are someone. You are beautiful. You are loved.

 

Hunger for Fathers Love

Gods love

It doesn’t matter how old we are, we still want the love of a father.

There is something about a fathers love, his acceptance, his stamp of approval, we crave. There is a feeling of safety in the love and acceptance of a father. You know, it is like having a safety net. It gives us courage and boldness. We can venture out and not be afraid of failing, because even if we don’t succeed, the father is still there.

A father provides, loves unconditionally, and is proud.

Maybe this is why we settle for relationships that aren’t beneficial to us? Because the temporary feeling of being loved and accepted is a warm shower, a comforting blanket, a gentle kiss on the forehead. But we aren’t fooled, we know it is just temporary. That is why we hold on and struggle to let it go.

A fathers love is not to be found in a lover, a spouse. This is a different kind of love. But when we are so starving for the attention and affection of a man we regard as “strong,” we will put up with all kinds of nonsense. Dysfunctional “love” is ingrained in us from birth when we do not know the love of a father.

We have wild imaginations of what love is suppose to look like and we play our part hoping the lead character will play his part too. And he does,but it is not the love story you hoped for.

Why?

Because the heart of a father can’t be found in any other man. You can’t create what you never had. But the heart of THE FATHER can only be found in One and He says we can call Him Abba.

Abba is the Daddy who meets the boys at the door and determines if he is good enough for His daughter. Abba is the Daddy who protects us and provides for us. Abba is the One who sits us on His knee and talks with us and listens to us.

Are you tired yet? Tired of waiting for someone else to tell you how valuable you are? Tired of waiting for the promise made by someone else that will never come? Is there a little voice of truth whispering in your ear, deep into your heart, telling you to turn back?

When we consider our time here is but a vapor and that we do have a purpose, there is really no more time to be wasted with someone who is just wasting your time.

I am not crying any more. Sure I miss him. But if I am honest with myself, it may not be him that I am missing, but the “feeling” of being loved and accepted. And if I am even more real, I never even truly felt that.

So, where do we find this kind of love? This kind of protection and safety? Only through Jesus. He is the only One to lay His life down for us. He is our Father, our Redeemer, our Salvation.

 

Right from the beginning, He has called you by name. You are His. Do not be afraid when He removes someone from your life. He is Abba Daddy, He has something better for you.

You can not find yourself in another person. It is not the attention of another that defines who you are.

If you carry His Name, the Name of God, then you are someone to be cherished and loved.

He/she who finds a wife/husband, finds a good thing. Because God can and will love you through the marriage relationship. But, until that time, let Him love you right where you are. Because only when you know who you are in Him, and Who He is, will you be able to recognize and not destroy, the one He has for you.

Oh, God, may we feel You, may we feel Your hug and Your protection. May we hear You tell us how very much You love us and are proud of us. May we fully understand that through Jesus we ARE accepted by You. Anything or anyone that is not of You, please remove them and give us the strength to let go.