It has been awhile since I last posted. A lot has happened the last couple months.
You know that circle of insanity? Yea, the one where if you keep repeating the same thing you keep getting the same results? You know, it’s like you expect a different result and you do not change things. Yea, that’s crazy, right? Well, I do believe that is what they call the definition of insanity.
Well, the guy and I got back together for a few months. Things were going well, at first. But, doesn’t it always in the honeymoon stage? We are no longer together… surprise, surprise, but this ending is different. I am not broken this time.
You see, God prepared me for this. Really, I should have stayed away, but I didn’t.
Dysfunctional relationships are like an addiction. Let’s say it is like an addiction to pain killers. You receive a temporary reprieve from pain, but then you have to start upping the doses or face withdraw. Because even though pain killers do not treat the problem (the source, the root) they do offer a temporary high to make you forget the pain (even for a moment). But, you know, eventually you will have to deal with the issue if you truly want to be free and healed. Anything else we do to numb the pain is just applying a band-aid; the blood still flows beneath the band-aid.
What I have finally learned is:
- even with a new start, some things you should not re-open
- pay attention to the gut, the inner voice
- trust your friends, the ones who know you and love you
- I am capable of forgiveness
- My worth is not in a relationship (other than with God)
- I can love
- I am stronger than I think
- Life goes on
- Above all else, Trust God!
Did I make a mistake getting back with him? Maybe.
Do I regret it? No.
Does it hurt? Yes, of course. It does hurt when you lose someone you love. But that does not mean it is a bad thing.
Now, the positives are this….
- God opened new doors for me
- God continues to provide
- God continues to speak to me, love me, and will never leave me
- I have a whole new perspective
I am better, not bitter.
When we put things in proper perspective, we can say with assurance, “For I consider [from the standpoint of faith] that the sufferings of the present life are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us!” Romans 8:18
You see, when God has called you, when He starts a work, He will finish it! Nothing can stop Him! He will remove the obstacles, no matter if they are people, things, places, or vocations. He says to trust Him with ALL things! Nothing is too small, trivial, or too big. Trust Him with all things!
So, things may not have happened as I have hoped, or planned, but this is one thing I can be sure of… NOTHING catches Him by surprise. NOTHING!
As I am getting back into the writing of my posts, I want to finish my step back with this reminder from Isaiah 55:8-9
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
I hope you are all still there and are doing well.
I am back, so let us grow together, heal together, and celebrate together!