Victor! Not victim!

stronger

 

You go tell that devil he is a liar! (John 8:44)

It doesn’t matter what form he takes, he can come in like a friend or like a lover (2 Corinthians 11:14)  Everything hidden, every lie told, will be revealed (Mark 4:22) Because God watches after His children.

Even if the accusations he brings were true, do not fear, do not be intimidated, and do not back down. Because our God makes ALL things new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The devil always has a counterfeit. He knows Who you belong to, that is why he attacks you at your most vulnerable spot.

So, you dry those tears, you shake off the dust, and you get back in the race. God is not done yet. You are not a victim, you are a victor!

Yea, I preached this to myself this evening and thought I would share it with you, in case you needed to be reminded too.

 

Fear + Unforgiveness = More Hurt

fear

Fear is a terrible thing. It robs us of joy, love, and peace.

When we hold onto fear, we can never be fully in the moment. We can’t commit to a relationship because we always have one foot out of the door… just incase.

Fear causes us to not close doors to our past. We hold onto past relationships, keep their numbers in our phones and their contacts on our facebook… just incase.

Past offenses cause us to be like Pavlovian dogs. We get close to someone and then when we start “feeling” we retreat. Because the last time we “felt something” we got hurt.

Fear makes mountains out of mole hills. It expects perfect from imperfect people. It creates standards no one is able to reach. It shines the suspicious eye on the “what ifs,” and it blocks us from truly experiencing a lasting relationship.

Yes, pain of betrayal from someone we love is very real. Almost debilitating. And though it will take time, we must come to a place of forgiveness, or we will carry the offense into the next relationship and expect the next person to right the wrong someone else has done.

We can not retrace the footsteps of a past relationship and try to recreate the old in the new.  You are not the same person you were when you were in the past relationship. Nor is the present person the person from your past.

God says, “Behold, I make all things new.” He is able to restore you. He is God of restoration and reconciliation.

Before He can make all things new, you must be willing to let go of the old, put it to death. His restoration is not to take you back to what hurt you, but to restore your spirit, your soul, to create in you a new heart.

Sometimes He will bring someone into your life most unexpectedly and she wont look like what you are used to. Even if there are similarities, you must remember, she is not the same person. God loves her as much as He loves you. She is a unique woman, with gifts and a calling. You will not recognize or appreciate her if you do not forgive and let go of the past.

You may miss out on a blessing of lasting relationship.

It is not right, nor fair, of you to enter a relationship with someone before you are ready. It takes time to heal and learn to trust again. You can not cleave if you are not willing to leave.

You will never find the perfect person. We all have our flaws and our quirks. But, if you can trust God, Who is perfect, when you are ready He will bring the imperfect person to you who will be the most perfect person for you.

Forgive freely, so you can love freely, with no fear.

 

 

“Well,” she scratched her head. “what we have here is a soul tie.”

bondage

A soulish relationship will strengthen the soul of man rather than the spirit. It will depend on the soul (the mind, will, and emotions) rather than rely on the spirit. A soulish relationship will feed the unrenewed mind, and it will fixate on emotional gratification rather than spiritual edification. A spiritual relationship, on the other hand, is one that is built on sound biblical principles, one that honors God above all else, and one that prefers character building to emotional fulfillment. A spiritual relationship is one where each will put the other first, and where Christ-like principles will be observed in all things.

Oh, those stinkin’ soul ties, huh?

Everything starts out fine. Or at least it did with me. At first, when we talked I was feeling drawn to get into the Word more. It was wonderful! The more he spoke the Word, the more I loved him. It was like iron sharpening iron.

Surely, this is the man for me!

But then things in our relationship began to change. Quickly, I might add. We weren’t praying together as much. I do believe that was when I began to realize we weren’t going to make it. But, I held on. Why? Soul ties. Our souls were knitted together.

I don’t think these ties happen by accident, we make a choice.

The tumultuous relationship took it’s toll on me. When we were together I felt drained, tired, pensive, insecure…

But on our “off” times I felt more creative, spent more time with God.

soul-ties

Still I missed him during our off times. Sometimes so much so it was painful. Sure enough we would start talking again and get back together and the patterns would repeat itself. Slowly this relationship was killing my spirit. And I can’t imagine it was healthy for him either.

It is not enough to know when a relationship has gone south and you need to end it. We must take action. We must listen to wisdom. Because when we allow our emotions to give way, it can turn to anger. Then the anger gives way to other emotions, up, down, back, and forth. Then jealousy creeps in and we cling, we cry, we throw our fit. This is not love.

As my mind was wandering, and my emotions were beginning to mirror my thoughts, I heard Holy Spirit remind me, “take captive my thoughts.”

What does this mean to take captive my thoughts?

It means to reject the thoughts that serve only to upset me, hinder me, depress me, and tear me down. But we can’t just sit there with empty minds. That’s not possible. We must choose what to think on.

I like what Philippians 4:8 say’s: Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

When I operate from the soul, it gets me in trouble. It makes me want to lash out and defend myself. It causes

mad ladyme to hold onto something or someone so hard I choke the life out of it. It makes me say things I wish I never said, or do things I wish I never did. The end result is I end up feeling worse and now I have given the enemy more ammunition.

When I walk in the Spirit and meditate on His principles, His promises, I feel lighter, at peace, and hopeful.

There is a battle between the spirit and the flesh. The flesh wants what it wants and it wants it now. An unhealthy relationship, an unGodly soul tie, will destroy you. There is a reason someone gets under our skin. There is a reason we keep having thoughts and we feel the sense of urgency to “react”. And the reason is not God.

It is hard t let go of someone when you love them. When it comes to matters of the heart, the emotion, there is no reasoning. This is why we must be Spirit minded.

This is why we must choose wisely who we allow into our lives; who we give room to.

snake

There are forces at work that we do not see. When we get so wrapped up in emotions we are blinded. This is a trick and how we can be convinced a snake is really our friend and just wants to be cuddled.

I was feeling hard on myself the other morning. I felt so stupid to have walked back into what God clearly wanted me to give up. Let’s call it what it is…disobedience. And the Holy Spirit so graciously brought this verse to my remembrance…

When the disciples heard this, they were completely astonished and bewildered, saying, “Then who can be saved [from the wrath of God]?” But Jesus looked at them and said, “With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:25-26

Let’s not beat ourselves up anymore. OK?

Yea, break -ups hurt. Learn with me, when God says no, then let it be no and trust Him.

You can bag manure in as pretty a bag as you want, but in the end, it is still _ _ _ _.      You get what I am saying? It stinks!

So, if you feel the tie with someone and you struggle to let go, and you are so fixated you can hardly think of anything else to the point it is interfering with your daily life and sleep, you just might have a soul tie. Time to break it and move on.

You have to choose freedom. Recognize the images you repeat in your mind are bondage. Don’t be afraid to let it go.

And yes, I am speaking this to myself as well

Repent, forgive, let go. (Repeat if necessary)

 

 

How to NOT Catch Him and Keep Him. Or… how to feed your already low self image and keep feeling bad about yourself

recovery

(I seriously do not recommend following the advice in the following list unless you truly enjoy the abuse.)

  1. Keep chasing after him. Convince yourself he will soon realize how much you love him.
  2. Don’t take no for an answer. If he doesn’t answer your calls, no problem! He must be busy, just try again later, and again, and again, and again…
  3. When he tells you he loves you and then ignores you for days, believe him. After all, his words are enough, he doesn’t need to back anything up with actions.
  4. Constantly compare yourself to his ex. Sure he is over her. He only tells you about her because he would love you so much more if you could be like her.
  5. Agree with everything he says! No matter what.
  6. If he is “concerned” about any of your friends, immediately unfriend them. He is not jealous, he just knows best.
  7. Cry. Cry A LOT! Then when he shows back up and tells you it was all your fault, chalk it up as a silly misunderstanding and welcome him back.
  8. Excuse his bad behavior and unkindness. He was having a bad day, he is just misunderstood. Soon he will realize you are the one there for him all the time.
  9. When he tells you you are the best thing he has ever had, believe him. Because he would have never said this to anyone else.
  10. If he leads you on for over two years and breaks up with you at a whim, with no reasoning, no communication, and even if he is talking to other women, do not go on with your life. Talk to no one! After all, when he comes back and tells you about the conversations with the other women, he will reassure you they were not like you. You mustn’t hurt or upset him by not waiting patiently for him.
  11. No matter how many lies he says about you, you must forgive him. He was just hurt.
  12. Back handed compliments are better than no compliments at all. When he tells you how nice you look, and then asks if you gained some weight, immediately stop eating!
  13. Answer every late night call or text. It might be an emergency. It has to be an emergency, or he would have called you earlier at a reasonable time of day.
  14. When he talks over you, cuts you off, turns the conversation back to him… remember, at least he is talking to you.
  15. Drop everything for him, make time for him no matter what, whenever he needs it. Because his time is more valuable than yours and you should understand that.
  16. Never block him from facebook, or other social media, because when he has unblocked you, how else will he know you are still waiting for him?
  17. Believe no one but him! They are all lying about him.
  18. Convince yourself you are happy.
  19. Refuse to see any similarities between him and your absentee father. You gotta fill that void. You need the approval of a strong man and remember… only a strong man can lift you up after he tears you down.
  20. Believe him when he says you are not in Gods will for his life. It’s true. This is really true, because Gods will for you is not to be in his life.

I hope you know, the list above is not to be taken serious. But this is exactly what we do when we are in a bad, unhealthy, toxic relationship. We allow someone to treat us so bad, because inside we do not know our value. If you do not know your own worth, you will tolerate, rationalize, justify, excuse, over look, and apologize for anything.

traits

How will you ever love and receive love if you are steeped in this dysfunction of a relationship? Tell him to step aside, because he is blocking your view.

Get your heart and head right. Take some time alone. Get the healing. Get in the Word and alone with God and listen to what He has to say about you. Because He is the only true lover of your soul. Then when the time is right, when your healing is complete, He will bring someone across your path and you will recognize him.

You can’t love or receive love, when you don’t know what/who love is.

 

Walk Away

accept

It took me a while to learn this. What a tough lesson! I mean, have you ever been with that person who no matter how bad they treated you, you still find yourself apologizing to them? They could disappear for days, weeks, and when they come back they tell you it was all your fault and you… apologize?

OK, so here is the thing, no matter what their reasoning is, right or wrong, no one has a right to treat you badly. If they feel you have wronged them they have a choice to make, stay or leave. If they stay, forgive and work it out. If they leave, then let them go.

Back and forth, back and forth, is not good. Not if you want a real, mature, healthy, and growing relationship. Where is the security when you are not free to be yourself in a relationship? If you can not be yourself and you are constantly trying to please someone else to keep them, you will find you will not much like the you that you have become. And guess what? They will leave anyway.

Being with someone just for the sake of not being alone is no reason to be with someone. You are wasting your time and theirs. You are delaying the inevitable. Just let them go!

What is acceptable to you? Where are your boundaries? You better know the answer to this question, or you are in for a world of hurt.

Practice these words: “This behavior is not acceptable.”

Then my friend, when that unacceptable behavior continues, you do not have to stay. Walk away.

You can still love them, but love them from a distance. Because love, by its very definition, would never treat you poorly. I am not suggesting everything must be perfect and you must always agree on everything, but where there is no respect, trust, patience, kindness, humility,  and commitment, there is no love. You may have something, but it is not love.

(Disclosure: This post is not written for the married, I do not advocate divorce.)