Fear + Unforgiveness = More Hurt

fear

Fear is a terrible thing. It robs us of joy, love, and peace.

When we hold onto fear, we can never be fully in the moment. We can’t commit to a relationship because we always have one foot out of the door… just incase.

Fear causes us to not close doors to our past. We hold onto past relationships, keep their numbers in our phones and their contacts on our facebook… just incase.

Past offenses cause us to be like Pavlovian dogs. We get close to someone and then when we start “feeling” we retreat. Because the last time we “felt something” we got hurt.

Fear makes mountains out of mole hills. It expects perfect from imperfect people. It creates standards no one is able to reach. It shines the suspicious eye on the “what ifs,” and it blocks us from truly experiencing a lasting relationship.

Yes, pain of betrayal from someone we love is very real. Almost debilitating. And though it will take time, we must come to a place of forgiveness, or we will carry the offense into the next relationship and expect the next person to right the wrong someone else has done.

We can not retrace the footsteps of a past relationship and try to recreate the old in the new.  You are not the same person you were when you were in the past relationship. Nor is the present person the person from your past.

God says, “Behold, I make all things new.” He is able to restore you. He is God of restoration and reconciliation.

Before He can make all things new, you must be willing to let go of the old, put it to death. His restoration is not to take you back to what hurt you, but to restore your spirit, your soul, to create in you a new heart.

Sometimes He will bring someone into your life most unexpectedly and she wont look like what you are used to. Even if there are similarities, you must remember, she is not the same person. God loves her as much as He loves you. She is a unique woman, with gifts and a calling. You will not recognize or appreciate her if you do not forgive and let go of the past.

You may miss out on a blessing of lasting relationship.

It is not right, nor fair, of you to enter a relationship with someone before you are ready. It takes time to heal and learn to trust again. You can not cleave if you are not willing to leave.

You will never find the perfect person. We all have our flaws and our quirks. But, if you can trust God, Who is perfect, when you are ready He will bring the imperfect person to you who will be the most perfect person for you.

Forgive freely, so you can love freely, with no fear.

 

 

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Nothing deep… just human

touch

Have you ever just wanted to write something so profound, so very deep, it would be like a light bulb to the minds and hearts of the reader,  and it would bring instant healing and understanding? But, instead you stare at the pc and your mind goes blank? Because truth is, the deepness you are feeling right now is like the edge of the abyss?

Yea? Me too.

In fact, I am in somewhat of  pensive mood this evening. Maybe it’s because I am tired? Maybe it’s because I kind of have a lot on my plate right now? Maybe it’s because I just want a hug and a nap?

I am feeling like the woman who weaved her way through the crowd just to touch Jesus. I am sure she was tired, too. I bet when she heard He was in town she gathered herself up and said “This is it! If I am ever going to be healed now is the time.”

Or the woman who wept at His feet? Oh,  the peace and security to just feel the coolness of the floor and the warmth of His presence. He wouldn’t even have to verbally speak. There would not be enough words in all the languages combined to  express His touch.

I am a little tired and I am feeling the weight of “aloneness.” I know that doesn’t sound very “spiritual” or much like faith, but I am human, you know.  I just want to lay myself at His feet and just rest.

Let It Go

I found this meme on facebook, from a site called changing lives. It is a simple sentence, most would think a no-brainer, but let me tell ya…

changing

 

Even when you know it is time to go, there is always a sting when it ends. Because when they walk away you question everything,

  • Was it me?
  • What did I do wrong?
  • Did they really love me?

Then you get stuck, re-play every conversation in your head, every word they spoke and how true it sounded,

  • Surely it can’t be over because I trusted them
  • They will come back when they remember how much they loved me
  • They always came back before

Then you wait, every time the cell bings you jump because it might be them. You even begin to rationalize and role play in your mind what you will say when they call, only the scenario you play out in your mind is the one where you are the leaver and you are strong. Because let’s face it; in your imagination you believe they love you.

The worse is when the end came without a good-bye. No explanation. No blow out argument. Just a ghosting. It’s as if they fell off the face of the earth. All of a sudden they do not answer your calls or text. It’s confusing, should you be angry or concerned? Do you move on? But, what if…

  • They got hit by a bus and are in a coma and they need you?
  • What if they were just diagnosed with a terminal illness and they are sparing you the grief of watching them die, they want you to continue to live and be happy; so they are sacrificing themselves for you
  • What if there is some freak disconnection between your phones and they have been trying to contact you and you didn’t even know it?

What if? What if? What if?

JUST STOP IT!

You want the truth? Here is the truth and you may want to write this down and keep it in your pocket for when you need the reminder. Re-read it until you are strong enough to just move on…

They are not the one!

Remember when you prayed for God to send you the right one? Remember the vision God gave you and the purpose He has for you? Well, that person was not the one.

And that’s OK. Really, it is OK and you will be OK.

Please stop wasting your time and energy on asking why. In the grand picture it really doesn’t matter why.

This is what matters…

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart
And do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him,
And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way]. Proverbs 3:5-6

Because…

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you [from captivity];
I have called you by name; you are Mine! Isaiah 43 (click here)

Knowing how precious you are to God, do you not also know He will protect you? He will remove every obstacle, every derailment, and every hindrance? You have a purpose and your purpose is to glorify Him. So, when you live an obedient life to Christ, when you ask Him to remove all that is not of Him, when you truly want to fulfill your divine destiny ordained by Him Who called you, then you must let go.

If someone wants to walk away from you, then let them!

It doesn’t mean you did something wrong or could have done something different. It doesn’t even mean there is something wrong with them. It just means God has a plan for your life and that person is just not a part of it.

 

 

 

Up, Down, In, & Out… I’m just fine

hug the word

I think when someone holds your heart and then breaks it, it takes time to heal from it. At first it feels like your heart will never heal and it hurts to even breathe. Almost like your heart has been deflated and you can’t inhale enough air to inflate it again. The worse feeling ever!

Then you start to heal. It still hurts, but not as intense and the waves start to subside. You can take breaths again, small ones, but they are coming. Your heart starts to inflate again with each breath, but it still feels empty. You start to get off the couch and you try to set your eyes to something other than the ceiling. Your eyes are clearing up from the tears, shew… you even take a shower and change your clothes. Yes, I know you can relate.

You open the door and you step out. You must continue on in life, even though the one you thought would be with you for the rest of your life is no longer there.  You are still going through some of the stages of grief, but its not quite as intense and each relapse is shorter lived.

You begin to feel like your old self again. No, not quite your old self, but you are feeling… how do I say? Human! Yes, that’s it, you are feeling like a human again.

You take the time to fix yourself again. Brush your hair, put on a lil’ make-up, smile, and you get out there. The fixing up of yourself is for you. Because if ya look good, ya feel good, ya know.

Just when you think you are good, out of the blue… he contacts you. After ignoring you and denying your existence, he contacts you. Maybe it is a pointless call, or a stupid text… you wonder why is he contacting you. I will tell you why…. because he is playing games!

Friends? He wants to be friends after all he has done to you? Oh please!  Where was his friendship when you needed him to be a friend, when he treated you worse than what a person would treat their enemies?

He misses you? Yea, sure he does… he missed you right out the door and didn’t blink twice.

(Yea, as you have probably figured, this post is for me. But, if it helps you, I am glad.)

He is back on-line doing the on-line dating thing again. I am a little conflicted about it. If you remember, that’s how I met him (and no I will never go there again). Spent nearly two years believing we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, believing we had something special, that I was special. Turns out we didn’t and I wasn’t… cuz he tells all the women the same thing.

I don’t really miss him, per se, as much anymore. But, I do miss the him I thought he was, the us I thought we were.

I am content, or learning to be, right where I am. Truly, God is so very faithful to me.

It has been 4 months since the break-up. Well, maybe not quite 4 months, because there were some periods in there he played games with me, gave me a lil’ hope, only to be him again.  I heard something profound, , and I totally receive it, it goes like this…

The Word says hope deferred makes the heart sick. This is true. We hope, we get let down, we hope, we get let down, we hope, we get let down… then we just don’t want to hope anymore. We learn to just “accept” it. Sad, isn’t it?

He would contact me and I would get hopeful, then he would let me down. Again and again…

Games I tell ya!

So, yea… here is my response (copied from someone much wiser than me) and if someone is playing games with your heart, feel free to use this…

And I will quote…”JK! First you made me sad, now you just making me sick! Don’t talk to me anymore! Don’t contact me anymore! Don’t look in my direction anymore! Delete my number! Because I will not try to resurrect what God has allowed to die. He is doing a work in me and I will not hinder it. He has a plan for me, a calling for me, He is using me for His glory and I will not allow you to get in the way any longer!”

Four months later and there are still waves, but I thank my God He has walked me through this storm. He didn’t give up on me. When I fell down, He didn’t just leave me there. He picked me up and He carried me. He still carries me.

Stay close to Him, my friend. He loves you eternally, He will never leave you.

Oh, God, I thank You that You rescued me. I thank You that You have my future planned out. I thank You that You have protected me from bitterness and You have kept my heart tender. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for leading me, teaching me, and loving me. I also thank You for healing the person(s) who is reading this and they may also need a healing touch from You. Oh, Lord, heal our broken hearts, mend our broken spirits, and restore our souls. I love You, Jesus. You are the true Lover of my soul.