I found this image on facebook and though I am quite certain it is referring to the grief of the loss of a loved one through death, I believe it can also describe the grief from the loss of a relationship.
I can’t help but to wonder if in the future will I look back and think of him and all of the what ifs? I think I will. Although, I also know, it will not be as painful as it has been. There will be healing. But, I think it is natural. Especially when one of us didn’t want to end it.
It is the holiday season and with it brings a certain kind of emptiness. Where there was once love and oneness is now a void.
I saw a couple today at the bus stop. They were in a lovers embrace and oblivious of everyone around them. I had to smile to myself, because I remember feeling this way, time seems to stand still when you are in the arms of someone you love. Nothing or no one else matters and it is unimaginable that you will not always have a place there.
I am missing him.
But, even in all of the thoughts and emotions that come after a break-up, there is a knowing that this will pass. This emptiness will not always be here. My heart will beat again with love… one day.
I am a romantic at heart. I used to believe love always wins. Sometimes it doesn’t. So, the reality is I may love him, but he is not to be the love of my life. I can think of memories and smile and the sting will pass. I can even think of all the hurtful things and choose to forgive him.
Each day is a day further away from him and closer to the healing. One day I will realize I am not even thinking of him, as much. Then the day will come when I do think of him I will say a prayer… I hope he found what he is looking for.
Until then, I keep breathing, living, and hoping. The anger is leaving and I suppose that is a good sign.
I thank You, God, for complete restoration. Thank You that You are healing me and preparing me for the true romance You have for me. Until we become three, right now it is just me and You.