“Well,” she scratched her head. “what we have here is a soul tie.”

bondage

A soulish relationship will strengthen the soul of man rather than the spirit. It will depend on the soul (the mind, will, and emotions) rather than rely on the spirit. A soulish relationship will feed the unrenewed mind, and it will fixate on emotional gratification rather than spiritual edification. A spiritual relationship, on the other hand, is one that is built on sound biblical principles, one that honors God above all else, and one that prefers character building to emotional fulfillment. A spiritual relationship is one where each will put the other first, and where Christ-like principles will be observed in all things.

Oh, those stinkin’ soul ties, huh?

Everything starts out fine. Or at least it did with me. At first, when we talked I was feeling drawn to get into the Word more. It was wonderful! The more he spoke the Word, the more I loved him. It was like iron sharpening iron.

Surely, this is the man for me!

But then things in our relationship began to change. Quickly, I might add. We weren’t praying together as much. I do believe that was when I began to realize we weren’t going to make it. But, I held on. Why? Soul ties. Our souls were knitted together.

I don’t think these ties happen by accident, we make a choice.

The tumultuous relationship took it’s toll on me. When we were together I felt drained, tired, pensive, insecure…

But on our “off” times I felt more creative, spent more time with God.

soul-ties

Still I missed him during our off times. Sometimes so much so it was painful. Sure enough we would start talking again and get back together and the patterns would repeat itself. Slowly this relationship was killing my spirit. And I can’t imagine it was healthy for him either.

It is not enough to know when a relationship has gone south and you need to end it. We must take action. We must listen to wisdom. Because when we allow our emotions to give way, it can turn to anger. Then the anger gives way to other emotions, up, down, back, and forth. Then jealousy creeps in and we cling, we cry, we throw our fit. This is not love.

As my mind was wandering, and my emotions were beginning to mirror my thoughts, I heard Holy Spirit remind me, “take captive my thoughts.”

What does this mean to take captive my thoughts?

It means to reject the thoughts that serve only to upset me, hinder me, depress me, and tear me down. But we can’t just sit there with empty minds. That’s not possible. We must choose what to think on.

I like what Philippians 4:8 say’s: Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].

When I operate from the soul, it gets me in trouble. It makes me want to lash out and defend myself. It causes

mad ladyme to hold onto something or someone so hard I choke the life out of it. It makes me say things I wish I never said, or do things I wish I never did. The end result is I end up feeling worse and now I have given the enemy more ammunition.

When I walk in the Spirit and meditate on His principles, His promises, I feel lighter, at peace, and hopeful.

There is a battle between the spirit and the flesh. The flesh wants what it wants and it wants it now. An unhealthy relationship, an unGodly soul tie, will destroy you. There is a reason someone gets under our skin. There is a reason we keep having thoughts and we feel the sense of urgency to “react”. And the reason is not God.

It is hard t let go of someone when you love them. When it comes to matters of the heart, the emotion, there is no reasoning. This is why we must be Spirit minded.

This is why we must choose wisely who we allow into our lives; who we give room to.

snake

There are forces at work that we do not see. When we get so wrapped up in emotions we are blinded. This is a trick and how we can be convinced a snake is really our friend and just wants to be cuddled.

I was feeling hard on myself the other morning. I felt so stupid to have walked back into what God clearly wanted me to give up. Let’s call it what it is…disobedience. And the Holy Spirit so graciously brought this verse to my remembrance…

When the disciples heard this, they were completely astonished and bewildered, saying, “Then who can be saved [from the wrath of God]?” But Jesus looked at them and said, “With people [as far as it depends on them] it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:25-26

Let’s not beat ourselves up anymore. OK?

Yea, break -ups hurt. Learn with me, when God says no, then let it be no and trust Him.

You can bag manure in as pretty a bag as you want, but in the end, it is still _ _ _ _.      You get what I am saying? It stinks!

So, if you feel the tie with someone and you struggle to let go, and you are so fixated you can hardly think of anything else to the point it is interfering with your daily life and sleep, you just might have a soul tie. Time to break it and move on.

You have to choose freedom. Recognize the images you repeat in your mind are bondage. Don’t be afraid to let it go.

And yes, I am speaking this to myself as well

Repent, forgive, let go. (Repeat if necessary)

 

 

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6 thoughts on ““Well,” she scratched her head. “what we have here is a soul tie.”

  1. What a post, I have a lot I would love to hash out in response but I really don’t know if I have the energy or you would want to hear it.
    Definitely a good subject to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Shew, ok but I must warn you, I can be emotionally infantile at times, on the other hand almost 16 years of marriage taught me a lot.

        Let me settle in for the evening and I will fix some tea and try to write intelligently :-/

        Liked by 1 person

  2. OK,
    First off I am definitely no authority on relationships. So, I probably have little legitimate reason to respond other than the few relationships I have had that work and have worked for many years.
    I always wonder what my motives are for responding to posts. I am too aware of a desire to be right It is very unhealthy to always need to be right, because, of course, I am not always right. So, I have to be honest about the fact that with some of my thinking the desire to be right may taint what I say. I also know that I don’t like having my inventory taken, ( that is A.A. lingo for having my wrongs, sins or character defects, pointed out ), so that is something that I need to be aware of when I read and respond to posts on relationships. Lastly and most embarrassing, ( I am not even sure I should be embarrassed to admit this ), I believe I respond to posts to connect with people and sometimes with a woman specifically, I am not sure what that means if I were to analyze it, my therapist has a very, Keep It Simple approach, he would probably say, oh, so you want to feel connected to a woman, why? I would say, well because it feels good to be connected to someone. And he would something like, and that’s wrong? And I would say, I don’t know, you’r the professional, you tell me and he would say something along the lines of as long as it doesn’t lead to a sinful relationship, why is or how can it be wrong? Anyway, I just felt the need to put all of my cards on the table, I have never been too good at surface stuff so I don’t try much anymore.
    I think, for sake of kicking off my thoughts on this relationship thing, specifically with believers, I don’t know why I need to say that, I can assume most of us are believers that read your blog. I have been in A.A. for years, 26 to be close to exact. I mention that to give a background to the one aspect of relationships I think is completely missed in most relationships, honesty. Something I think the author of the book your opening paragraph was pointing at. I think more damage is done by lack of honesty in relationships than by maybe any other sin we practice or give into in relationships. I don’t mean that quite to myself honesty either I mean that James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Is this only for physical healing, I don’t know specifically so I could be in left field but I think, if we look at the state of relationships in the body, we could use a little honest admission of our own faults to one another. I don’t know about you but I personally can’t count how many times I thought I was doing good only to realize I have been harboring a terribly sinful attitude about this or that. That is one tone of the book you mentioned that I like, I do think we need to be gentle and loving with each other but honesty with love would get me clearing my side of the street without you needing to be my conscience. Does that make sense? When I tell you honestly what is going on with me, you aren’t blindsided by my actions and we can go at whatever happens from a biblical perspective because our motives are right there on the table. Like I said that is just my thoughts on that, I know it works professionally as I am with the same crew of men for 11 years and it can get pretty hairy when and if we are running around harbouring grudges. My wife and I were good at calling each other on our shortcomings so we knew where we stood with each other, not a perfect marriage, we were married almost 16 years when she died. My best friend, we have been friends for 26 years and each is free to say whatever the other needs to, up to and including telling each other we need to go to a meeting.
    We give up and walk out on each other too much. I know the world does but guess what, so do you church, Church you are, probably no better at sticking with each other than the world is so stop talking about how much better the body is at relationships than the world because we are barely if any better. I can’t tell you how many relationships I see just dropped simply because they get tough or the devil is attacking and so we give up, I see it all the time. Here again I think the book you mentioned points this out perfectly, we get our feelings hurt and once that happens we stop and put our hands on our hips, grab our toys out of the sandbox and head home. Over and over again, I have done it a few times myself. Male, female relationships are difficult as it is and man we dump and run as soon as some our own issues come up and we don’t want to deal with them. I know because I am pretty immature and I hate having to face my shortcomings, so it is easier to just drop you and walk away. I know there is no easy solution, I can’t force someone to stay friends and it hurts a lot when a fellow believer treats us bad, I think because we are naturally a little more vulnerable to other believers so we expect to be treated a little better than our unsaved counterparts but sadly we can sometimes be worse, in my opinion. It is also difficult to choose who we are willing to stick it out for the long haul with, sadly, I think we the church have built a ton of non scriptural sayings to justify walking away from relationships but that is just my opinion. I honestly am so guilty of walking away from people. I just did it to a “friend,” she is a believer and I don’t think we were honest about how we felt about each other so when she said she met a guy I, of course ran because I wasn’t honest with how I felt about her and the few times I was she didn’t respond at all and I should have pressed the issue but instead I let a fantasy relationship build, instead of pressing her for some honesty and as a result I have decided it is easier to avoid her as opposed to trying to get her to say what she is really thinking and feeling, after all, if I am not willing to ask for the honesty I can’t expect her to read my mind so I get what I have now, a hurt ego or whatever you call it. I don’t know if I have a clear picture of what this type of relationship would look like if it were lived out on a church body level, I would like to think we would have the honesty with ourselves to admit that even though this person or that person is driving me crazy, God still expects me to love and be kind to them as opposed to avoiding them, I also think it would look something like us being strong enough in our relationships with each other that we could tell each other the truth, as in, hey man, you do this and it makes me crazy, why do you do this or that, or “hey man, you seem pretty high need, do you think you may need some help, maybe pastoral counseling or professional help?” Of course we should be sensitive about these sensitive communications but honesty would promote this type of relationship, I Corinthians 13, the love chapter has the guidelines for all these relationship issues, I don’t know why we keep everything bottled up, maybe it is too painful to be vulnerable, I know it is for me.

    So, for me the relationships that work and keep working are the ones where both parties are allowed to be honest and the other party whomever it is that gives or receives the rebuke or affection must be willing to respond in love and honesty and that is how the ones that work for me keep working.

    P.S. I can’t help but wonder, in your opening, you mentioned how spiritual your relationship started out. I naturally have to think to myself, so, they are capable of doing it, yes? So, what got in the way, I find it hard to believe, if it was spiritually based in the beginning that anything other than personal relationship issues got in the way, just my thoughts on the matter.

    Shew, if you have read to this point and haven’t written me off as a loon, I would love to hear your reaction.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your response, It is a lot and I want to give time and thought to every thing you have said. So, I will try it this way, I will hi-lite my responses to some of what you said. OK?

      You said: First off I am definitely no authority on relationships. So, I probably have little legitimate reason to respond other than the few relationships I have had that work and have worked for many years.

      I say: Ah, my new friend, trust, I am no authority either. In fact, I don’t think there is any suc thing as an authority on relationships. We are all learning. You are commenting on a blog of a woman who has failed relationships. I have learned a lot, no doubt. And though I am no authority, I am leaning on the One who has designed relationships. And just so you know, I write this under a pseudo. Does that make me a hypocrite? I minister to women and yet, I find myself struggling. So…. are there really any such experts?

      You said: I always wonder what my motives are for responding to posts. I am too aware of a desire to be right It is very unhealthy to always need to be right, because, of course, I am not always right. So, I have to be honest about the fact that with some of my thinking the desire to be right may taint what I say. I also know that I don’t like having my inventory taken, ( that is A.A. lingo for having my wrongs, sins or character defects, pointed out ), so that is something that I need to be aware of when I read and respond to posts on relationships. Lastly and most embarrassing, ( I am not even sure I should be embarrassed to admit this ), I believe I respond to posts to connect with people and sometimes with a woman specifically, I am not sure what that means if I were to analyze it, my therapist has a very, Keep It Simple approach, he would probably say, oh, so you want to feel connected to a woman, why? I would say, well because it feels good to be connected to someone.

      I say: We all desire to be connected, to feel that connection. So, there are actually to responses to this response.

      First: I don’t think it is so much as a desire to be right, but a desire to be understood. And no one likes their inventory to be taken. God creates everything new. So, give no place for the accuser when he wants to remind you of your past. Yes, there are wrongs we have committed and we need to ask forgiveness. Forgiveness from God does not erase the hurt we caused others. So, we own it. But we do not stay there.

      Second: Yes, it does feel good for a connection. It validates our “feelings” and our existence. Your therapist would ask you why it feels good to be connected to a woman, and you would answer it feels good to be connected to someone. Yes, it does feel good to be connected, then again it is not connected we seek, but understood and accepted. In my case it was because I lacked a father figure. My father was abusive and controlling. So what did I seek? An abusive and controlling man. I just wanted that stamp of approval. Someone to tell me I was worth something. I wanted to feel safe, loved, and protected. So, when we meet someone who carries the characteristics we seek (slightly skewed) it is really a false sense of security; familiar. Because we don’t know any better (through experience). There is no embarrassment to admit this.

      You said: I can assume most of us are believers that read your blog.

      I say: I don’t know about that. My desire is that we are believers. But, that is my gifting, as an evangelist. We want everyone saved 🙂

      Unfortunately, too many “Christians” act like they have it all together (myself included) and we really short change the Holy Spirit.

      You said: Anyway, I just felt the need to put all of my cards on the table, I have never been too good at surface stuff so I don’t try much anymore.

      I say: Good! 🙂

      You said: I have been in A.A. for years, 26 to be close to exact.

      I say: Congratulations!!!!

      I come from a family of alcoholics and I tend to have addictive behaviors. This is why I am careful to not partake in some “things.” But addiction manifest in other areas. Relationships being one.

      You said: We give up and walk out on each other too much. I know the world does but guess what, so do you church, Church you are, probably no better at sticking with each other than the world is so stop talking about how much better the body is at relationships than the world because we are barely if any better

      I say: Yes! You are right! Sad, its not suppose to be like this, but you are right.

      You said: I know there is no easy solution, I can’t force someone to stay friends and it hurts a lot when a fellow believer treats us bad, I think because we are naturally a little more vulnerable to other believers so we expect to be treated a little better than our unsaved counterparts but sadly we can sometimes be worse, in my opinion.

      I say: Yes, the wounds of a friend are the deepest! We forget, even though they are loved by God and may even love God, there is still the flesh, which is very carnal. My first pastor gave me the best advice: “everyone will let you down, but He never will.” And he was right. My first wound when I got saved was from a “sister”. It hurt so deeply.

      You said: I think more damage is done by lack of honesty in relationships than by maybe any other sin we practice or give into in relationships. I don’t mean that quite to myself honesty either I mean that James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Is this only for physical healing, I don’t know specifically so I could be in left field but I think, if we look at the state of relationships in the body, we could use a little honest admission of our own faults to one another. I don’t know about you but I personally can’t count how many times I thought I was doing good only to realize I have been harboring a terribly sinful attitude about this or that

      I say: This is one of my favorite verses. We confess our sins because the enemy loves secrets. In secrets there is darkness. When we confess our sins we are basically telly hell it has no hold on us, it can not black mail us. There is no fear in the known. Yes, I too have been made aware of what I thought was right, was not. That’s another post 🙂

      You said:So, for me the relationships that work and keep working are the ones where both parties are allowed to be honest and the other party whomever it is that gives or receives the rebuke or affection must be willing to respond in love and honesty and that is how the ones that work for me keep working.

      I say: Yes! There is security in honesty. But what about when we are honest? What about when we share our naked truth and they leave? This was one of my fears. Until one day the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “I am still Me and you are still you.” This helped me to be honest. Because to be honest now, I struggled with tis, because I was so afraid of rejection. I wouldn’t “lie” but I would leave some stuff out of my story because I was so afraid of being judged and rejected.

      You said: So, for me the relationships that work and keep working are the ones where both parties are allowed to be honest and the other party whomever it is that gives or receives the rebuke or affection must be willing to respond in love and honesty and that is how the ones that work for me keep working.

      I say: Yes!

      You asked: I can’t help but wonder, in your opening, you mentioned how spiritual your relationship started out. I naturally have to think to myself, so, they are capable of doing it, yes? So, what got in the way, I find it hard to believe, if it was spiritually based in the beginning that anything other than personal relationship issues got in the way, just my thoughts on the matter.

      I say: We all have baggage. I had some and he had some. Unfortunately we aren’t aware of this until we are face to face with what scares us the most… to be rejected. I could give you a list of everything that was wrong and could go on a verbal bash, because the man hurt me. But, where is the honor in that? I can only surmise, the enemy was afraid of our gifts joining together, so when the enemy came in, our relationship crumbled.

      He had been wounded from a 32 year marriage. He wasn’t ready for me.

      I had been wounded from lying cheating men and when his insecurities surfaced, mine fed off of them.

      Or…. maybe he was a narcissist and didn’t know what he had 😉

      We are all loons, you are in good company!

      It is late and I wanted to respond to your comment. I appreciate you taking the time to flesh it out.

      To sum it up, yes, we are all hurting to some degree. We need each other to help us keep our eye on the prize.

      p.s. I hope there were not too many typos

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shew, I am touched that you took all of that in, thank you.

        I am sorry for the hurts you have endured, it’s too easy to dismiss someone else’s pain by dropping a bible verse in an insensitive manner, I won’t do that, I will assure that, even though, I may not be able to feel your pain, I did, as a child, watch my mom suffer at the hands of my dad when he got back from Vietnam so I do know what it is to sit with someone in their pain. I also know a half hearted comment toward someone’s pain is its own injury so know that I am truly sorry for your scars and hurts and I sit with you in spirit, just being there for you.
        I think I will stop for now to let what you shared sink in and to not cheapen the pain you shared, I will sit with it and pray for you and I hope we can talk more later.
        God bless you and keep you. You are loved my friend, goodnight for now.

        Liked by 1 person

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