Why do we do that? Why do we define our own worth by what others think of us?
“Am I lovable only if someone loves me?”
“Am I beautiful only if someone tells me?”
I recently read a blog post by BeautyBeyondBones (a very well written post I will add, you should check it out) and I thought… “yea, it is sad what we do to mold ourselves into what we “think” is beautiful.
I was invisible when I grew up. I was the quiet kid, the shy girl, afraid to be seen, noticed, for fear others might see how ugly I was, or worse… point it out. I was never one of the “popular girls.” I stuck to myself.
I grew up in a house with an angry father. It was always best to be quiet, scarce, so he wouldn’t notice me. As much as I longed for the attention of my father, the attention was mostly abusive. So, I learned to be quiet.
But, as I grew older, I became angry. Rebellious. I set myself on a path to prove him wrong, that I was someone. Unfortunately, this opened a door to another world of hurt. Fast forward many years and here I am.
Between then and now a lot has changed. I can only say…. BUT GOD!
It was that longing to be loved, accepted…. noticed, that kept me in relationships I should not have been in. I wanted validation. Permission to exist. Even when relationships (I knew were not good) ended, I would hold on, because to me it was yet another “rejection.” Sad, isn’t it?
Are you there now? Are you holding on to someone you need to let go of because you are afraid if you lose their attention (as bad as it is) you will just fade into nothingness? Are you afraid no one else will love you (even though you know inside this person doesn’t love you)? Do you cry at the thought of no one thinking about you? Is negative attention, at least attention? Does holding onto poison to your soul give you a reason to get out of bed?
Oh, my sister, my brother, don’t you know you were created for something greater? I know, it is hard to believe (try as hard as you may), but it’s true.
You can’t fill that void with the accolades from other people. People are fickle. We are fickle. There is only ONE constant. Do you know Him?
God knows who you are, even if you don’t (yet). And YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You are a treasure, with gifts inside of you that you have yet to discover. You are so very precious.
Do not let someone else’s insecurities define you. Do not hold it against them either. Forgive and let go. We all have our battles, let them fight their own battles, you do not have to be a casualty of their personal war.
If you are not appreciated it is OK to walk away. Yes, it may hurt. Yes, it may mean you have to let go of someone you love. But, my sweet sister, my dear brother, love yourself. Loving yourself is actually allowing God to love you. Protect what He deems valuable… you!
You can’t eat your feelings away, nor can you sleep your feelings away. Feelings come and go, like waves in an ocean. Thankfully we do not have to base our faith on emotions. Our faith is based on the solid rock.
Forgive and let go. With your head held high, know God has plans and a purpose for you.
Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:3-4