It is getting late, the rain is falling outside and it sounds so lovely. I just love falling asleep to the sound of rain, don’t you?
My daughter fell asleep to the movie we were watching, she is all covered up and I am missing the days when she was little and would fall asleep in my arms.
I am sitting in my chair, my little dog beside me, and it is quiet. Peaceful.
I had a great post idea earlier today, but didn’t write it down. Isn’t that the way it goes? Still, I wanted to write something. Sometimes writing is like a heart, it pumps life into me, helps me to stay focused, sort my thoughts, and helps to make sense of things.
I am appreciating things more. I am appreciating alone time, time with my daughter, solitude. I am just finding this easier, you know. I am feeling safe to have my thoughts, not having to weigh what I say. Free from jealousies, misunderstandings, fear, miscommunication, unanswered texts and calls, and loneliness.
Strange how priorities change. Stuff and people that were once so important to me are now gone. I am reflecting and I am thankful for breathing. It took so much energy to hold on to things and it pained me when I felt them being pulled from my hands, I felt like I couldn’t, and wouldn’t ever again, breathe. But, here I am and I am breathing just fine.
God is so good to me. You know when He says, “Peace that passes all understanding,” I think I am starting to understand that now. In the midst of everything, I feel peace. Hard to explain really, I think this is something you have to experience first hand to truly understand. I can be sort of neurotic sometimes. It is like I get so focused I become fixated. I can be a little bit of a control freak, because I can’t stand when things are out of order. I need order, structure. So, for some things to be totally out of my control and I am not in a panic, or in an obsessive state; it is a true testimony to God being with me.
His favor is on me and His mercy is without measure. While I do not understand it and I feel very unworthy, I am grateful. My prayer is to matter, for me to matter. I want to be used by Him to be a blessing. I have a purpose (and so do you) and I look forward to it. To fulfill what He has created me for and to use the gifts He has given me to bring honor to Him.
I have set a date for myself. It is personal, really. But, God knows. Tomorrow I take a giant step and as I breathe in the freshness and the newness, I am saying with all confidence, my God is with me.
I end this evening and this post with thanksgiving. Thank You, Jesus, for loving me. Thank You for knowing me so intimately and still You have not left me. Thank You for holding my hand and walking with me. Thank You for leading me and making those crooked paths straight.