Can I just say how good God is to me? He ALWAYS shows up and speaks to me.
When I walk my puppy, it is me and God time. I will put my ear buds in and listen to worship music and pray, or listen to a good message. Today I listened to this message from TD Jakes.
Writing has been good therapy for me, for the most part. It is a vehicle for me to get all of these emotions out. This grief I carry, I am able to just express it in writing. Its mostly for me, but my hopes are someone else will be able to relate and in the process they can be healed too.
I have wrote a few posts I had to take down. I felt a sting of conviction, I really had to check myself, and ask myself what were my real motives for writing certain posts. Was I just vomiting on my readers and was it really helpful, to me or to anyone else?
It’s hard sometimes, ya know. It is hard to not want to lash out.
I remember a few years ago I was up under attack. I was being lied about and it grieved me. Especially since it was coming from a friend. Do you know what the Holy Spirit told me? He told me to remain silent. He told me to not defend myself. He would defend me.
And do you know what? He did defend me. He not only shut the voice of the enemy, He vindicated me in front of people. In the face of my enemy, in the face of the accuser, and in the face of everyone who gave ear to the lies, He revealed the truth. And I didn’t even have to open my mouth. The end result was, my name was cleared, the person who lied about me repented, and God was glorified.
One of the things I learned from the experience is to trust God. He can take care of business far better than I ever could. If I open my mouth I just get in the way and make matters worse and it brings confusion. How could I have forgotten such a valuable lesson?
The message I heard from Him, through TD Jakes, is it is time to put away foolish things. It is time to put away childish behavior and juvenile thinking. It is time to mature in my thinking and in my faith in Him. If I truly want healing, I have to stop rehearsing the hurts.
I pray in the spirit as often as I can. Because I will be honest here, I just don’t know what to pray anymore. My heart hurts, I miss him, and I want to go back to the love I had with him. So my prayers have been quite selfish. So I relinquish my will and ask for His. There is no amount of talking I can do that will reach him. Only God can move mountains.
I pray I am able to receive, or accept, what His answer is.
One thing I do know, I must remain silent and let Him defend me. He knows my heart. My God knows.
I am going to share this short video with you. Maybe it will speak to you the way it spoke to me.