Oh, God, help me break this tie that seeks to splinter my soul…
How long must I rehearse what I could have done differently? How much must I dig to show me all the things I ignored? Why can’t I just let it go?
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior. (Hillsong, Oceans)
Soul ties, they are very real. In a marriage the tie is a holy tie. It’s purpose is to unite, to make two one. But, when there has been a betrayal, there is a ripping… literally. It is painful and it takes time to heal.
I look in the mirror and I see the face of the woman he used to love. Only I don’t feel beautiful anymore. The word “beauty” had meaning to me when he said it.
Someone told me this evening, “I dig you, because you are real.” I understood what he meant. Strange, it triggered a sting of sadness in me. My mind flooded with things he used to tell me. It all meant something coming from him. Will it ever mean something again?
Now, I know God has me in His hand. I know this. I know this will pass. The waves of grief are crashing in less and less, but still… the moments I am standing on the shore, looking out at the deep waters, the boat he rode in on is drifting further away and I feel sorrow with every good bye I have to say. Sometimes I have to say good bye to him several times a day just to remind myself he is not here anymore.
Will I love again? Will another mans words to me mean anything? Will I trust them? When he puts his arms around me and says, “How could any man ever leave you?” Will I trust him, because I have heard that before. The next time a man tells me how special I am, will I believe him, or will I still feel like Leah, second choice?
God, I am trying to be strong, I am trying to believe You are healing me. But it is times like now it seems so far away.
I feel foolish. I am not delusional, I know its over. I am so angry!
Help me to believe, Father. I don’t have to understand why, I don’t have to know everything, I just have to trust You. I know, Abba, You are my comforter, You are here, I know Your Spirit is speaking words of comfort to me. Please continue to whisper to my soul. I need Your help, Jesus, put me back together. Strengthen me to break the ties that hold me to him. Help me.
I have to believe He knows my pain
I have to lift up my hands to worship
Worship His name
I have to declare that He is my refuge
I have to deny that I am alone
I have to lift up my eyes to the mountain
It’s where my help comes from
He said that He’s forever faithful ,He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains, If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain He can move your mountain, too
Oh, I have to stand tall, when the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong, when I’m weak and afraid
I have to grab hold , hold of the garments, the garments of praise
I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight
He unlocks these chains that bind up my soul
My sin and my shame He has forgiven and made me whole
I have to believe, I have to believe
He’s got everything under control
I have to believe. Lord, I believe
Help my unbelief I have to believe in You
I have to believe