Here is the thing about the heart…
The heart can deceive you, it can deceive others, but eventually the intent of the heart is exposed.
Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23
So, here I am in a heart and mind battle again. The never ending story, huh?
Why do we want things that are really not that good for us? Why do we think we can tweak it and it will fit? It is like doing a jigsaw puzzle and trying to fit a corner piece into the center, just because it is the same color and we can’t find the piece that really belongs there.
I see a shimmer of good and I ignore everything else; even to my own detriment. Throw me a little hook of hope and I am all in.
People say all the time, “guard your heart.” Usually this is said when someone is in a relationship and we are “warning” them. But, I don’t think this is what Proverbs 4:23 means. If we guard our hearts the way the world instructs, then we would all walk around without love, unable to love fully, cynical, bitter, suspicious, untrusting, and fearful. Do you know what the Bible says about this kind of thinking? It is called double mindedness.
If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him. Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind. For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord, [For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides]. James 1:5-8
So then, how do we guard our hearts? How can we give our hearts without fear of giving it to the wrong person? Anytime there is fear, there can not be love. Because if we have fear we are not trusting, and without trust there is no relationship. If there is fear, it can be one of two things:
1. The person is untrusting, there has been broken trust, something is not right
2. You are the one with the trust issue, you have not been healed from previous wounds, you struggle with forgiveness
In either case it gives reason to pause.
He tells us if we want wisdom, then ask Him and He will give it. When His Spirit is present, you will experience discernment, it is the nudge to tell you if it is safe or not. If you are feeling rushed, it is not of God. If you are feeling pressured, it is not of God. If you are feeling fear of losing the person, it is not of God.
Not one person is perfect. If you have walked this earth for any length of time, you have baggage. Yes, you have issues. We all do. We all screw up some times. This is in itself, is not a reason to walk away from someone. Is there repentance? If there is repentance God can work with that persons heart and there will be growth and change. A repentant heart is a heart being healed. It comes down to a choice, we choose what we can handle and if we are able to walk beside someone while they are walking through it.
I believe this is why God called David a man after His own heart. David did some crazy stuff. Shew, he slept with a married woman, got her pregnant, tried to cover it up, then when he couldn’t cover his sin he had the woman’s husband killed, then tried to carry on with business as usual.
Really? Yet, God called him a man after His own heart? Why? Because David was repentant!
Does this mean there was no consequence to his sin? Absolutely no! He lost his child, the baby died. But, God restored him. If you know the story, then you know David was in the lineage of Jesus.
This should give you hope!
I ramble through all of this to say… there is a real battle. Letting God’s love be perfected in me, I am learning to not fear. I haven’t arrived completely yet, but I am much further along now than I was. Love does not pressure, it says, “be still.”
It is a fine line learning when to walk away and when to stay. If you walk away, keep walking. But, if you are going to stay… do not look for an exit, be fully committed, forgiving, pliable, and trust God. Because when you have steadied your mind, you can then pray and know you will have what you ask for. Do NOT be double minded.
Oh, Father, help me. I am trying so very hard to just be still and to wait. I am not waiting on a particular person, I am waiting on You. You will move on my behalf, either You will open the door and bring reconciliation, or You will redirect my steps. In any case, I know no matter, it will not change how much You love me. I know You are God Who is able. Help me, Holy Spirit, only through guarding my heart by trusting in You, will I be free to love fully, to be vulnerable, forgiving, and passionately. Remind me, again and again, my love is not based on others, but on You, in complete reliance upon You. Speak to me, Holy Spirit, speak to my heart, give me the peace that passes all understanding. Only through You do I have the power to be Holy and to make right choices. I love You, Jesus.