Most of us have said this, I know I have, and I have heard more times than I can remember, the line…
“I am fine alone, I don’t need anyone.”
On the surface this may sound good. Yea, kudos, you are content to be alone, you are happy with yourself, life has taught you a valuable lesson, you must be a strong and confident person. But, this is a lie.
I believe there are three kinds of people who say this.
1. The Wounded Person. This person doesn’t want to appear needy or desperate. They have been wounded in past relationships and they try to keep people at bay. Maybe they think if another person believes they could never hurt them, then they wont hurt. The problem with this is they may be hindering themselves from a fulfilling lifetime relationship.
Because a healthy person wants to be needed. Now of course, I am not suggesting being needed in such a way found in co-dependency relationships, but a felt need that says, “you are special to me, you are a gift to me, and God ministers to me through you in a way that will only come from you.” In a Christ centered relationship, we know God is the only One who is able to meet all of our needs, Christ should always be #1 and come first. Let us not forget, the word says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22
2. The Selfish Player. This person wants to keep their options open. They are fishing for relationships the way they would shop for shoes. Saying they don’t need anyone is their disclaimer, and their way of escape, should they not want to be with you anymore. They will pursue a relationship with you and you will begin to feel at ease. You will let your guard down and let them in. Everything will be great…. for a season.
When they make their exit, they will remind you they told you in the beginning they didn’t need anyone. This is true… they just don’t need you anymore, because they already took what they needed and now they are on to the next conquest of someone they “don’t need.”
How do you know if they are a selfish player? Read Galatians 5:19-24 Do they pass the test according to Gods standard?
3. Gifted Single. 1 Corinthians 7 Paul says God does give the gift of single life to some, and the gift of married life to others.
There are single Christians who have been gifted with the contentment to be single. They are able to control their emotional and sexual needs. However, this does not mean they need nobody. The fellowship is still needed, just not in a marriage relation. These singles are single to serve the Lord.
The Word does instruct us to be content in all things. We are to trust the Lord in all seasons of our lives, single or not. In trusting Him, we will not rush out and manipulate a relationship for the sake of being in one. Nor will we cast aside our commitment to our spouses or lead others on.
As Christians we should take care not to wound another heart. We should be honest and upright, at all times.
A relationship should never start with the premise of “I don’t need anyone.”
God said it is not good for man to be alone. He is the Father of intimate relationship. In a Christ centered relationship it is like a dance, where the two become one, with Christ as center; flowing together.
So, the next time someone tells you they don’t need anyone, believe them, they are telling you they don’t need you.