I read an interesting comment about on-line dating sites.
” I want to know without ever wondering, “Why didn’t I marry the woman on the next profile?” Because so far all I am seeing are strange faces and random words. May be this online dating thing is not for me. ”
The young man, who was in his early 30’s, packed a lot of wisdom in his post. I agree. Based from my experience, this is what I have observed.
While there may be pro’s to on-line dating, like it is a vehicle to meet someone outside of your geographical area (if you are prepared to relocate), or if you, for whatever reason, are unable to be around other singles, and it can be a good way to “get to know” someone before meeting them.
The cons are,:
1. Do you ever really get to know someone on-line? People can hide their true selves on-line. They can be whoever they want to be, or whoever they need to be, to get you.
2. I am skeptical of anyone who has been on the sites for years. I would have to ask what their motive is. Especially those who have met people, started relationship, just to end it and end back up on the site to start over with someone else.
3. The grass is greener mentality. With so many lonely, desperate people, if you meet someone on line who is a career on-line dater, it will go well for awhile, but when the relationship requires you to deal with things every relationship deals with, a career on-liner will drop you quick and go right back to find someone else.
4. Relationships/friendships formed on-line should not substitute real life friendships. Because, lets face it, people came to the dating site to meet someone, and these people should not be the ones you turn to when things get real in your 3D relationship.
If you meet someone, you owe it to that person and to yourself to be a person of integrity, to protect, be accountable, and set boundaries.
This has been my experienced, my lesson learned from my time with (the name we shall not mention). I met him on a Christian dating site, because I am a Christian and I wanted a Godly husband to share my life with and be in ministry with. I met him, he had all the right words, knew the word, and we pursued relationship, with purpose of marriage. The closer we got, the more our relationship unraveled. Had I known then what I know now, I would have known what to look for.
1. His facebook was an extension of the dating site. His female “friends” just rolled over to his facebook. He may have left the official site, but he brought them with him, and into our relationship. This is why it was easy for him to jump right back onto the dating site when our relationship ended and pick up right where he left off, because he never left it.
2. Does he have real life friends? Men friends? Does he surround himself with men who can hold him accountable and give him wise council? There is a big problem if he doesn’t have real life friends and those he chooses to confide in and seek advice from are the women he met on sites.
3. Do a search. How many times has he “met someone” on the site and left the site to build relationship with her? Had I known to look for this I would have seen he met the special someone two months before he met me, and another a couple months before he met her. Basically, he was fishing. He was trying on women like one would try on a pair of shoes. He had no incentive to be faithful, or stay when life happens and it requires work and commitment. He knew he could hop right back on and replace the shoes.
There are sociopaths, wolves, and we must learn to recognize the signs. These people will take you on such a roller coaster ride, in the end you will be left picking up the pieces while he is off seeking someone else to devour. He will express no remorse, no repentance, and chances are he will blame everything on you. Depending on the depth of the relationship, you just may believe them.
You will be so confused, because they seemed to be everything you wanted, they had shared vision, promised you faithfulness, knew exactly what to say, and then… BAM! Suddenly the real person shows up. This person has a hardened heart. It’s all about them. They do not love because they do not know what love is.
The internet is a playground for predators. I am not saying everyone on the dating sites are predators. I am simply saying, you must know how to discern the real from the fake. Look beyond his words. Trust your gut. Do your homework on him.
As for me, I will steer clear of meeting someone on line again. I never want to take that ride again. I will trust God to direct my footsteps to cross the path of the one who He has for me. This man will not need to turn to other on line to validate him, he will know who he is in Him. He will cleave to me. We will cleave to each other, I will be his helpmeet and we grow together, closer to each other, Christ will be the center.
As for him, he is back on-line and the poor women are falling for it hook, line, and sinker.
Disclaimer and apology: There are success stories, or so I been told, and not everyone on line is a predator. I am just saying…use discernment.