I am feeling strangely content.
Yea, it sounds weird to say I am feeling strangely content. Maybe I should explain…
Most of my life I wanted to please people. I was so afraid people would reject me if they knew me. So I would be whoever I was needed to be at the time. Even in my personal thoughts, and decisions, I tried to do what I thought would get the approval of people. I craved so much for someone to tell me they were proud of me.
Wow! Talk about exhausting!
I entered this season with great fight. I mean, I was holding on so tight my knuckles were white. I didn’t want to let go to what I thought I had. You know, the ol’ “but God, I worked so hard to get here, don’t take it from me,” kind of fight.
But that is the point, I worked so hard to get here. He didn’t put me here, I put me here. It was not His plan, it was mine. I strived. I manipulated. Now, I am not saying I did this in deliberate defiance, or deliberate stubbornness, I did it because it was what I knew to do. You know, do something long enough and it becomes a habit and we don’t even know why we do it anymore… we just do.
Why does it always have to be my way anyway? Because to be honest with you, my way always ends right back to the same place. It just makes sense to quit fighting God and let Him complete the work He has begun.
I know what He has called me to. I know what He has promised me. The outward appearance says I am going in the opposite direction, but the peace He has given me tells me I am right where He wants me to be and there is no better place to be than where He wants me to be.
So I say, God, in the Name of Jesus, not my will, but Your will. Your perfect and complete will. Thank You for Your grace.
He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters. He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him—not for my earning it, but] for His name’s sake. Psalm 23:2,3