This is how you know healing has arrived, although not complete, it is knocking on the door and I have answered.
It is hard to imagine after a heartbreak there would ever be a day to smile again. I find myself smiling and laughing again. The past three months have been good therapy and lesson. I think my biggest fear was that I would not be able to recover from the disappointment. I viewed it as another set back. Cried…. from loss and fear of starting over again.
When you give your heart to someone and expected it to be forever, it is kind of hard to think there would be any room for love left after….
Have I found love again? Yes! I found love in me. I love me! Of course I am still a work in progress, but with His help, I am learning to love me, to see how beautiful I am, how worth it I am, with all of my imperfections I am perfect.
The sun is shining and I am focused again…. so many opportunities are before me, one step in front of the other. I don’t have to have it all figured out right now, I may never have it all figured out, but I know the One who does.
He called me the other evening, I didn’t answer. I almost grabbed the phone out of habit, to answer him, but I caught myself. There was a time I wanted him to call me, to tell me he was sorry, to talk to me, to work it out with me…. I have nothing left to say and I can’t imagine he would have anything to say that would change things for the better or worse.
The next day I thought about him calling me out of the blue. My first thought was I was annoyed and thought how dare him contact me and stir me up. Because before when I heard his voice it would set me back and I would start grieving all over again. But, the first thought quickly passed and I realized something right then… I am OK. I am just fine.
If I were to talk to him now, I think I would want to tell him I wish him all of the happiness in the world and that he finds love, love he wont be afraid of. I would want him to remember all the good from us and know there was love, however brief… and to learn from our mistakes. I pray for him healing, wholeness, trust, love, and forgiveness.
Father, I thank You, men leave, You never do. I thank You that my beauty in Your eyes is unfading. I thank You for healing, wholeness, and love. Thank You, Jesus, for shining Your light into the darkness and bringing forth the sunshine on my rainy day. I am so grateful You know my name and I am Yours. I love You, Jesus.