Death to the Old (wo)Man

skeletons

You don’t have to be afraid of death if you have Jesus. I am not talking about physical death, (but, just incase, if you don’t know Jesus, you should be very afraid). I am talking about the death of us, the old us, the way we do things.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!”

I sigh when I think of how many times I have tried to resurrect the old me. The old me is dead, so why do I keep digging her up?!

There are seasons for everything. We have all experienced seasons in our life when everything seemed to be good, then seasons when it all seemed to blow up in our face. One of my favorite sayings is, “This too shall pass.”

You know, “this too shall pass” is true. It always passes. I think sometimes we think because the season has passed we are healed, because what bothered us, what hurt us, doesn’t seem to hurt anymore.. at least for now.

Time can be a pain reliever, like an over the counter pain reliever. We have a toothache, so we take Tylenol, the toothache goes away. The cause of the toothache doesn’t go away, just the immediate pain. Instead of going to the dentist, we convince ourselves it really isn’t that bad. Then the Tylenol wears off and the pain is back. This is what time can be, when we don’t address the root issues. Eventually the pain does come back and it will continue to resurface until we face it and deal with it.

The doctor gives us a prescription, the label on the bottle clearly reads to take all of the medication until it is gone, but what do we do? We start to feel better and we stop taking the medication. Then whatever the reason we were taking the medication in the first place comes back and now we have to take more medication and for a longer time. If we would have only followed through in the first place, huh?

A few years ago I left a bad relationship. It was horrible! I wrote off dating ever again and God took me on a journey. This journey took me on a road to recovery. He removed me from everything and everyone I knew. At first it was very hard. But, it was the best time of intimacy with the Lord that I have ever experienced.

While He did heal and deliver me from a lot of “stuff,” I have recently learned He is not finished yet. There is still some “stuff” that needs to go.

You see, I thought I was healed. I thought I was ready. But… it was a season I cut short too soon.

So, here I am… again. I purpose this time I will stay until He is finished.

We really do not know the depth of our wounds until we are faced with ourselves.

What did I do? I entered another relationship, though I thought truly he was the one, I accepted things I should have not accepted and I behaved in ways I should not have behaved.

It is true, people only treat us the way we allow them to. If someone mistreats us, as adults, we really have no one to blame but ourselves. we can not point fingers. We allowed it.

I found fear was a motivator. I was afraid of losing him, so I accepted things I should not have. I am not saying he was a bad person, but there were things that I should have set firm boundaries on. Then I began to act in ways I have acted in the past… out of fear of rejection, abandonment, I hid myself from him. I was so afraid of being honest with him. It was almost like I was carrying a cloak of shame and fear, and I should not have, because God removed that from me, why did I put it back on?!

I misinterpreted my season of rest for healing. I was not healed. My childhood fears resurfaced.

Why am I so afraid of letting go?

It boils down to trust. Do I trust God? Can I really trust Him with me? Can I really let go and quit trying to fix things on my own? I am doing a horrible job at it, by the way.

His love for me is perfect and I do not have to be afraid.

Shoot that old (wo)man in the head and throw him (her) in the grave, and before I cover him (her) with dirt I am going to throw in what (s)he brought with him (her), deception, hurt, lies, abuse, abandonment. Then I am going to seal his (her) fate with Gods truth. My old self will not be resurrected!

Oh God, I know You have a plan and a purpose for me. Forgive me for my unbelief and my rebellious attitude. I submit myself to You, God. Lead me and I will follow.

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