I have always secretly wanted a beautiful wedding. Not necessarily a big wedding, but one filled with romance and love. I longed to know the feeling of walking down the aisle to join hands with my groom and to see the look of love in his eyes. To have the feeling of being the only beautiful woman in the whole world… to him.
I think, to me, how the groom presents his bride on the wedding day is symbolic and indicator of how he will love her for the rest of their lives.
I am not one to believe in spending a life savings on a wedding, I think that is foolish. But a wedding is a celebration, of two becoming one. It is the proud moment when two stand before friends and family and God and declare their love and commitment to each other… unashamed.
Up to this point…. I never had that wedding.
I remember during conversation with God, crying and asking Him, why couldn’t a man love me enough to give me that? AND… sad to say, but I am going to be transparent… why did I feel I didn’t even deserve it?
The Lord told me I would have the wedding, I will be a beautiful bride, my groom will love me, it will be all I have dreamed. So when I was single for so long, I began to think maybe He meant when I go to Heaven for the Wedding Feast. If I never have the wedding here on earth, I am fine with that. Because I am His bride and I am beautiful and special in His eyes. And what better Groom than Christ.
But still… I sure did want the wedding here on earth.
I am older, I wont be a young bride. It is not so much about the wedding festivities, as it is about having the one special day that is just for me and my groom. The one day of celebration and excitement to be spending the rest of our lives together. Even if it were to be on a $100 budget, I didn’t care, I just want that one day. To feel special, loved, honored, cherished…. adored by him.
When I met him and we progressed in our relationship and we began to plan for our lives together, I thought truly this is the man. Of course he was not the man for me, he was not to be my groom. At the midnight hour God revealed to me who this man really was. Everything came crashing down in more ways than one. (Leading to the birth of this blog)
My daughter and I went thrift shopping. I love thrift stores and Goodwill stores. You can find some treasures on a shoestring budget. As we looked around the store I found a rack of gowns. There were also a couple wedding gowns. I looked at them and I remembered my dream, I imagined the bride who wore the dress and why is it hanging here now instead of being packed away to pass down to her daughter?
Then a fun idea hit me. Just because I may never have the wedding, doesn’t mean I can’t dress like a bride. I wanted to know the feeling of slipping into a wedding gown. So I took the dresses into the dressing room. My daughter found me a pair of high heels and a plastic flower for a bouquet… and her and I had a photo shoot in the dressing room.
It was so much fun!
It was impromptu, I didn’t have the jewelry, I wasn’t wearing make-up, and my hair wasn’t done. But I still felt beautiful. I felt like a little girl dressing up.
For the past couple months I have been grieving the loss of love. The man really broke my heart. I really thought he was the one. But for the brief time in the dressing room, dressed, twirling around, laughing, enjoying the moment with my daughter, I did feel like a beautiful bride. Because I am a beautiful bride. I am the Bride of Christ. He is my eternal Husband. He absolutely adores me.
I thank You, Jesus, for Your little reminders of Your love. Your love notes are written to me throughout the day. You are my forever faithful Groom, my Eternal Husband, the true Lover of my soul. I love You.